


Blue Sonder

by baeconandeggs



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 10:31:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6902263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chanyeol would trade his life to save him, but Baekhyun probably wouldn’t see his reaching hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blue Sonder

**Author's Note:**

> Massive thank you for my beta T. And my first readers W and R.

__**I’m sorry I broke your pedal.  
** I hope this ticket could make it up to you.  
I’m really sorry. 

 

Baekhyun stared at the shred of small paper that looked like it was being torn apart from a notebook in a hurry. The handwriting was messy. Certainly written by a boy, Baekhyun thought.

He glanced at his bike. One of the pedals were broken, just like how it was stated in the note. He figured the writer of this small note accidently dropped his bike, and his old bike just couldn’t handle it. Wait, it wasn’t even his bike. It was his uncle’s old bike.

Baekhyun sighed. At the first day at his new high school after he moved here, he already faced an unfortunate event like this. He was indeed an unlucky person.

He brought his hand down, putting the note on his bike’s basket and took another shred of paper from inside. It was the ticket mentioned in the note. Apparently, it was a concert ticket, an indie band concert in some kind of a pub whose name Baekhyun wasn’t familiar with at all. The band name didn’t sound familiar either. The name was Sucker Punch, and the concert was tonight.

Baekhyun wouldn’t lie to himself and say that he wasn’t actually pissed. This person thought a ticket to a concert of a band he didn’t even know could fix his pedal or something. And now Baekhyun needed to go home on foot, and brought this broken bike with him too.

He can’t help but chuckle, an empty chuckle. He just can’t understand how he could have the worst luck in the world.

He folded both the ticket and the note and placed them inside the back of his pants. With a heavy heart and dry throat, Baekhyun straightened his bike and began to walk.

It was already 4PM. Which meant he needed to get home in half an hour before his aunt began to worry.

And he reminded himself to ask his cousin where the hell Moonstone Pub was.

 

Baekhyun wasn’t someone who liked to go to pubs often, even before he moved to Seoul. His mother had told him that his grandfather had died because his stomach got rotten from drinking too much beer. And his mother lame attempt to scare him actually worked. Baekhyun never drink.

He had only been to a pub twice. A very small and stuffy pub in his little town, Gangwon-do Yanggu. The first time was when he turned 18 earlier this year. His friends pulled him out of his house and had him the first experience of the noisy place. It wasn’t a pleasant experience because one of his friend threw his gut out on his lap when the clock hit 12.

The second time... Baekhyun didn’t even want to remember it.

He didn’t like the idea of drinking. He didn’t like pubs. He didn’t like music or concert very much either. So he couldn’t really justify himself why he wanted to go to this one.

And Kris, his older cousin, also questioned it.

“Sucker Punch?” Kris asked with his thick eyebrows raised.

Kris had just gotten back home and was still wearing his school uniform, white short sleeve shirt with a red tie, the same uniform Baekhyun wore today. The guy was Baekhyun’s Chinese cousin whose father married Baekhyun’s mother’s older sister. He was one hell of a guy, with his glorious 187 cm of height and perfectly sculpted god-like face. And if Baekhyun was not mistaken, he was in a band and played for a basketball team. It certainly gave him a lot of power in school.

“Just bring him, honey.” Baekhyun could hear his aunt, spoke from the kitchen. She smiled at Baekhyun, that pitiful smile which he always got from her. He withdrew his intention to smile back at her. He started to grow tired faking smiles for his aunt.

“You want to watch my band?” Kris asked again, this time putting all his attention on Baekhyun, forgetting to undo his uniform tie as he took a seat on the sofa.

“Sucker Punch is your band?” Baekhyun asked back, looking surprised. He really didn’t know.

The older chuckled, while smirking. The type of smirk that could make girls worship him. That was how good looking Kris was. He was only one year older than Baekhyun, but he was like on another level compared to him.

“I didn’t know it was your band.” Baekhyun shrugged and pulled out the ticket from inside his pocket. “Somebody gave it to me today.”

Kris didn’t take the ticket and only glanced at it from his place. “From who? Your friend? I didn’t know you had make friends.” His tone wasn’t mocking, he was genuinely curious. That was one of the things that Baekhyun liked about hm. Kris was caring despite his cold look.

He supposed telling him the whole story would take too much time so Baekhyun just nodded. “Yeah, some random people.”

Kris looked at him, trying to read his face to see if Baekhyun was lying or hiding something from him. Baekhyun still remembered his words from this morning when they parted ways at Baekhyun’s locker. _If anyone bother you, call me_. Both of them were in their senior year, but in different class unfortunately. Kris and his mom had been nagging the school’s administrator to change Baekhyun’s schedule so he could have the same classes as Kris, but it was hard to do so considering it was already the middle of the semester.

When Kris didn’t find anything suspicious from Baekhyun’s expression, his intense eyes softened. “We’ll go together to the Moonstone tonight,” he said as he got up from the sofa and walked to his room. Just as Baekhyun thought his cousin had left him at the living room, Kris turned around. “I’m glad that you’re trying to participate, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun’s chest tightened for a moment. But Kris’ relieved smile helped loosen the feeling. Baekhyun smiled back at him and nodded. “Well, yeah.”

_It’s been a while._

 

 

“Looking good, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol turned his head around and found a girl leaning against the bar beside him. He knew this girl. Hyojin was his senior by two years, having already graduated high school. She was the daughter of the owner of Moonstone Pub, so Chanyeol often saw her here.

“You too, Noona,” he winked. He was digging his own grave, he knew. But Chanyeol needed a distraction today, desperately. And Hyojin seemed like an okay choice. “How’s college?”

She clicked her tongue. It was the way she flirt, Chanyeol noticed. “Boring. High school is much more fun. When will your band go up?”

“In a minute,” Chanyeol gulped down the remnants of his beer. “Kris hasn’t arrived yet.”

The name Kris seemed to tick her interest. Kris and she were dating last summer, actually. Whether what they had was real or not, Chanyeol knew Hyojin still had feeling for him. “Where is he? It’s not like him for arriving late.”

True. And that was why Chanyeol had been on edge since earlier. Kris was the leader of their band, and he was never late. “I’m going backstage, Noona. Hope you enjoy our performance,” he said, getting down from the stool.

“Always do.” Hyojin grinned and waved at the boy before Chanyeol disappeared behind the ‘staff-only’ door at the back of the bar.

By the time it was their turn to go on stage, Kris still hadn’t arrived. But they decided that the show must go on. Kris was the drummer, so the band decided to sing an acoustic song first to drag out the time until he arrived.

The Moonstone was packed with horny and unstable kids on the block. It wasn’t really a place to be proud of, but performing there had set a place for Sucker Punch as a middle class pop rock indie band in town. They were the star of The Moonstone, and these were the people who loved them. So no matter how much this pub sucked, Chanyeol never wanted to disappoint. These people bought the ticket to their show after all. Whether the purpose was to watch them or getting free unlimited drink, they still paid for them to sing here. 

Chanyeol’s nervous gaze landed on Jongdae, their vocalist, and Yixing, their guitarist and another Chinese member of the band. Chanyeol gave them a look before he picked up his own guitar and sat on the stool.

Chanyeol was going to kill Kris later. When he called the leader earlier, he said he was running late because he was bringing someone. If it was a girl, Chanyeol would make sure he’ll kill him slowly and painfully. His hobby to play around with girls seriously needed to stop.

Today hadn’t been his day for sure.

“Good evening, everyone,” Yixing, who was some kind of their co-leader, began to speak. His clumsy Korean yet calming voice eased Chanyeol a bit. “On this cold, raining night, let’s open the show with Jongdae’s beautiful voice, and the beautiful dance of I and Chanyeol’s fingers.”

There was an accumulative ‘yes’ from the audience as Chanyeol can’t help but lightly chuckled. He repositioned his guitar comfortably on his lap and nodded to Yixing, sending the signal that he was ready. Jongdae also gave his nod, coupled with a wide grin to Yixing.

“This is our first song, _Midnight Rain_. Enjoy!” Yixing said before playing the first melody out of his favorite guitar, where Chanyeol followed a second later, and Jongdae’s soothing voice also followed suit.

They weren’t the best indie band in the area. Sucker Punch was only one year old and they started this for fun, but it didn’t mean that they weren’t somewhat professional. Their music was likeable. The audience always enjoyed their performance and they would all leave with satisfying smiles. Every member was always happy after they performed and that was what mattered the most.

Chanyeol also could forget all of his problem, even his deepest problem, when playing music, so he was always looking forward to perform. That was why he was really furious for Kris being late. Sucker Punch was known for their professionalism, and Chanyeol didn’t want to let anyone down.

When they had reached half of their song, Chanyeol could see Kris stroll in through the entrance door. Chanyeol let out a sigh of relief in between his guitar melody and smiled at their leader. Without looking at the other members, he knew they were as relieved as him.

He spotted Kris talking to someone, the same person who had entered into the pub alongside him, but he can’t really see who it was. It was probably the person Kris said he was bringing today. Chanyeol couldn’t even see if it was a girl or a boy. The light in the pub was too dim.

It was when Jongdae sang his last line that Chanyeol caught Kris finally leaving whoever the person was, and he immediately ran backstage.

“That was our first song. Did you guys like it?” Yixing asked, his tone rather loud. It was a different feel from before compared to having Kris’ presence with them. They could play like usual. “The night is still young, so let’s have a little fun, shall we? Come on up, Kris!”

The audience roared. Kris had always been the most popular one because he, as much as Chanyeol hated to admit, was the best looking amongst them.

When Kris finally came out onto the stage, the pub came to life. He walked to the edge of the stage and gave out the flying kisses that made Chanyeol cringe but he still laughed in the end. His anger toward the older guy had vanished completely. But he wasn’t going to let this thing slide. Maybe later. Now they had an audience to entertain.

After giving out enough fan service to the girls, Kris went to the back of stage, to his own stage. The drum was waiting for his strong beat to light up the night.

On the way to his drum, Kris walked past the younger guitarist and winked at him. Chanyeol chuckled, “Where were you?”

“My cousin needed extra time to get ready,” the leader answered.

Chanyeol raised his eyebrows. “You have cousin?”

Kris didn’t reply to Chanyeol’s question and just walked and sat on his reign, leaving Chanyeol curious. With complete members, they were ready to rock the night.

 

When their set had finished, Kris let himself being dragged off the stage by Chanyeol. The older guy grinned when the guitarist hissed at him. “Explain.”

“Whoa, I thought I’m the leader here.”

“That doesn’t mean you can slack off on your schedule,” Chanyeol retorted. Yixing and Jongdae also walked off the stage as Chanyeol heard them snickering behind him. “Aren’t you guys mad at him too?” Chanyeol asked his friends.

“Easy, Chanyeol,” Yixing answered, nonchalant and simple. He didn’t even look at Chanyeol. He was too busy putting his guitar in its case.

Kris shook his head in amusement as he put his drum sticks down and put his hand around Chanyeol’s shoulder. The drummer then pulled him out of the backstage so they could talk more freely while having a drink on the bar. Yixing and Jongdae followed behind.

“I wasn’t lying when I said my cousin take some time to get ready,” Kris explained once more.

“What cousin?” Yixing responded from behind.

“Well, does she know that Moonstone isn’t really a good place to go looking for a decent one night stand? Such a waste of time and make-up,” Jongdae snickered.

“It’s a he, not she. And he could apply make-up better than any other girl here, I tell you,” Kris defended. It was easy for Chanyeol to see a flame of protectiveness in the leader’s eyes.

“It still doesn’t explain why you were late.” Chanyeol crossed his arms in front of his chest. “I thought you said that we have to be professional.”

Jongdae groaned in reply. “Come on, Chanyeol. I’d rather talk about Kris’ cousin.” The vocalist turned to the leader, “Where is he? Is he hot?”

Chanyeol rolled his eyes. He couldn’t care less about the cousin. All he cared about right now was his band. It was all he had after long emptiness for the past four years. If he lost the band, he would be back to his old self, and he can’t have that. He promised himself, and his best friends, to change for the better.

“Fuck off, Jongdae. He’s off limit.” Chanyeol could have sworn that he heard Kris growl.

What’s with this cousin of his? Kris was being strangely protective over his cousin. A cousin that he, or the other members, had never heard of before.

“Where is he?” Lay intercepted. “You should introduce him to us.”

Kris looked at each one of them. He was having that kind of eyes that only showed up if they were in a studio while they were making music–intense and serious.

“If any of you touch him, I’ll definitely kick your ass,” Kris threatened as he turned around and left, probably to get his precious cousin.

Chanyeol clicked his tongue. “So we won’t talk about this?” he looked at his two other members. They weren’t even paying attention at him. Instead, their eyes followed Kris who finally reached beside his cousin.

“Screw you, Chanyeol. I’d rather talk about _him_ ,” Jongdae replied rather breathlessly, and Chanyeol followed his gaze.

He caught Kris leading someone, most likely the cousin they were all talking about, to them. The black leather jacket was the first thing Chanyeol noticed. Then when his eyes finally landed on the boy’s face, it seemed as if air had been knocked out of his lungs.

Holy hell, that face was definitely… something. Now Chanyeol understood why Kris was so protective over him. That face could make anyone jumped on him immediately after they saw him. Even under all his neat make-up that Kris had bragged about earlier and under the dim light of the pub, Chanyeol could see how beautiful he was.

And then there was his body. The boy was like a kid beside Kris, and probably beside Chanyeol too, but everyone could see how gorgeous that body was. Chanyeol had never come across someone who could pull a leather jacket and pants that good. It was obvious when God made him, He was being extremely generous.

When Kris and his cousin finally arrived in the middle of their group, Chanyeol had to hold the urge to touch his face, to see if he was real, because how could a face as beautiful as his was real.

After a good few seconds, Kris placed his hand over his cousin’s shoulder and said, “Everyone, this is Baekhyun.”

 

Baekhyun tried really hard to keep his eyes open. Blinking a few times didn’t make it any less heavy. He didn’t get enough sleep last night, obviously, since he came to Moonstone to watch his cousin’s band and ended up staying a little longer than he expected.

It was his second day at his new high school, but Baekhyun already came with hangover looming over him even though he didn’t drink... that much.

Last night, Baekhyun didn’t intend to drink even a drop of the liquid he had been avoiding for the majority part of his life. But he should have known better when Kris introduced him to his band mates, whom of course started to insist that he should join them to drink with a getting-to-know-each-other-better excuse.

Baekhyun had rejected their offer, certainly. Kris, too, had firmly said that he can’t drink. But the band mates, especially the one named Jongdae, whose smile looked so mischievous, somehow managed to force him. The one with warm smile, Yixing, only laughed as he witnessed his friend’s shenanigans. While the last one, Chanyeol, who Baekhyun noticed playing his guitar on stage with so much passion, did nothing but stared at him all night.

When Baekhyun finally gave up and Kris was tired of getting angry at Jongdae, the former gulped down a shot. Yup, just a shot. He didn’t even know what type of drink it was. What he knew was that a minute later he already felt sick, but he could still feel an unfamiliar hand on his shoulder and a deep voice resounding in his ears saying, “Enough. He’s drunk already.”

That was the last thing Baekhyun remembered before his drink completely clouded his mind.

Putting his forehead on the cold metal surface of his locker, Baekhyun blinked a few more times to lessen his fatigue. He just wanted to lay on his bed with a thick blanket over him with the sound of rain falling outside his window lulling him to sleep.

“Hey.”

Baekhyun jerked his head up when he heard a familiar deep voice come from behind him, and turned around quickly, too quickly. Bad move. Nausea immediately hit him and he staggered on his feet.

“Whoa, whoa. Easy, Baekhyun.” The owner of that deep voice, Chanyeol, apparently had an extraordinary reflex as he instantly held Baekhyun before he hit his head on his locker. “You okay?”

Baekhyun avoided eye contact with the tall guy in front of him and nodded fast. Another bad move. As if his nausea from earlier had gone already.

“That’s not very convincing.” Chanyeol chuckled.

That beautiful voice destroyed Baekhyun’s resistance as he couldn’t help but look up, and when he did, he almost gasped in awe. Those were the clearest brown eyes he had ever seen. The dim light of the pub last night clearly didn’t do the justice to those pretty eyes.

“I’m... okay,” Baekhyun finally spoke. Chanyeol didn’t talk with him at all last night, so Baekhyun didn’t really know how to react to his sudden closeness.

“Don’t tell me you’re still drunk.” Chanyeol let his supporting hand down and took a step back, giving the smaller boy space.

Baekhyun shrugged. He wasn’t going to tell him that he was such a noob high school senior boy who couldn’t drink even a shot. Chanyeol witnessing him getting drunk last night and getting flustered just now was enough.

Realizing that Baekhyun wasn’t going to respond, Chanyeol spoke again as his eyes traveled across the new student’s face. “You’re pretty different from last night.”

Baekhyun didn’t understand at first. Then he realized that Chanyeol was talking about the difference of his appearance between the night before and right now. His face was caked rather heavily last night and he wore his toughest looking attire. And now he was just an ordinary high school student. Plain and simple.

Baekhyun cleared his throat before he straightened out the straps of his backpack. “You’re different, too. You... speak.”

Chanyeol laughed. “Kris being protective over you made me think that you were the type of shy and introverted guy. But you’re actually interesting.”

Baekhyun tried to look unaffected when in reality he started to feel his face getting hot. The old Baekhyun would reply back normally, but now Baekhyun really didn’t know how to respond to that.

 _I’m not interesting_.

“I’m sorry if I offended you by not talking to you last night, but it’s just that...” Chanyeol trailed off. It seemed like he needed to think of the right words to say. “...I wasn’t in my best condition.”

It wasn’t that Baekhyun was offended or something. He was just curious. This guy here was weirdly quiet last night, and now here he was talking to him like they actually knew each other very well.

There was an awkward silence between the two, and Baekhyun wished that Kris hadn’t left him in the school hallway alone. Now he seriously didn’t know how to excuse himself to go to his classroom.

Sensing his discomfort, Chanyeol glanced at his wrist watch. “Which class are you in, Baekhyun?”

“Huh? Uhm, 3-B.”

Baekhyun’s answer seemed troubled him, like he was contemplating something. The tall guy looked conflicted for a while, but he just smiled awkwardly after, “Do you want me to walk you there?”

That was an odd question. Why would Baekhyun want that? Baekhyun can’t help but raise his eyebrows and ended smiling awkwardly too, out of politeness. “Uhm, no? I can walk by myself.”

Chanyeol laughed again. His voice was indeed deeper than Kris’ and Baekhyun, weirdly enough, liked it. “Alright,” he shifted away. “Then I’ll get going. Drink more water so you won’t... you know,” he gestured at his head.

Baekhyun opened his mouth to deny him, but Chanyeol was already too far from him.

He ended up blushing.

 

When Kris had said that Baekhyun was off limit the night before, Chanyeol thought it was because Baekhyun was too pretty. Yup, it was no doubt that Baekhyun had that inhumanly beautiful face, especially when you saw all his features up close. But as the night turned crazier, so did how Chanyeol could see deeper into Baekhyun’s eyes.

One thing that Chanyeol noticed right away after each one of them were introduced, was that Baekhyun never smiled. Never did the edge of his lips pulled upward, even a little, all night.

It was so familiar to him. Baekhyun was familiar. Chanyeol recognized that smile-less face, those dimmed eyes, those stiff jaws.

Chanyeol spent all night not talking a single word to his best friend’s cousin, opted out to just observe. But when the cousin finally took a shot of a drink that apparently he can’t manage at all, those eyes changed. 

The once blank eyes was now filled with sorrow, broken, and hurt. Baekhyun had not turned drunk by that first shot, but Chanyeol could tell that if he drank more, it would break his dam. And Chanyeol was sure that Baekhyun didn’t want anyone to witness it. That was why he had stopped Jongdae when the latter wanted to give Baekhyun another shot.

Chanyeol knew right then that there was a hole inside Baekhyun, similar to the one inside of him. And Chanyeol wanted to reach out toward Baekhyun, wanting to prevent the already small boy turned into a complete destruction.

It was just that Chanyeol wasn’t sure if he was the right person to save him.

 

Honest to God, Baekhyun hated summer. A season which had that acute uncertainty syndrome. One second it was sunshine and hot, the next second it was downpour and wet. Wasn’t summer supposed to end this month though?

Luck had not been in his side again today as his Spanish class came to an end, the voice of his Spanish teacher was replaced by the sound of thunder and rainfall.

“You coming?”

Baekhyun blinked. Kris was standing tall beside his desk right now, with his backpack already in hand. “Where?” he asked while looking up. He wondered how Kris could be in his class, but then he remembered that this was Kris, of course he could be anywhere he wanted to be.

“To the cafeteria.” Kris made that slight move with his head, pointing toward the outside of the class. “You can’t go home anyway. It’s raining hard.” Kris was looking at him with the same stern face he always used which meant that it wasn’t an offer. It was a demand.

He actually wanted to say that he could wait here in his class. Because spending time with Kris’ friends in the middle of a packed cafeteria with students who looked for a shelter due to the rainy afternoon didn’t seem like a good idea. But since his parents and his aunt and uncle had let Kris take Baekhyun under his watch, he couldn’t really deny the order. 

Baekhyun nodded instead. “Okay.” Then as usual, he avoided eye contact with his cousin while Kris stayed beside him as Baekhyun packed his bag, making sure that the younger cousin really followed him to the cafeteria.

Being cousins with Kris had more downsides than upsides. His unbelievable popularity drew extreme attraction to Baekhyun, while his initial intention moving here was to hide. Everywhere he went, whether it was with Kris or not, eyes always following him, mouth always whispering _that’s Kris’ cousin_.

The old Baekhyun would had been happy for all the overwhelming attention. But the current Baekhyun just wanted to live in the dark corner without anyone noticing.

The cafeteria was indeed packed. When they arrived, students had already occupied every single table there. It was like lunch break, but stuffier, because it was raining outside yet the humid air before the rain still lingered.

Baekhyun spotted Kris’ group of friends near the entrance. Thank God they were near. He can’t imagine what it would be like if he had to walk pass the crowd. As soon as they neared the table, Kris immediately ran and sat beside a slick long-haired girl who was probably another quick passing fling in his unending series of girlfriends.

Baekhyun stood there, not knowing what to do or what to say to the group. They were the same people from yesterday night. Jongdae, Yixing, and Chanyeol. And of course the long-haired girl that he had not known the name yet. But Baekhyun honestly felt terribly awkward, struggling for words to say, and came up blank.

“Baekhyun? That’s Baekhyun, right?” Jongdae asked, his face was unsure.

Kris, who was sitting in front of him, slapped Jongdae’s head across the table. His hands were just so long. “Stop being stupid.” Then he turned to Baekhyun. “What are you doing there? Sit down.”

Baekhyun nodded and pulled out an empty chair in between Kris and Yixing while at the same time Jongdae tilted his head to examine the new comer. “Wow, Baekhyun, you look different. You were so sexy with all that eyeliner, and now you’re like an innocent geeky high school boy.”

“Seriously, stop, Jongdae. Before I kick your balls,” Kris deadpanned, and the girl beside him giggled.

“I meant no offense. Both version of you are amazing.” Jongdae grinned and Baekhyun honestly had no response to that.

Baekhyun can see that Jongdae was that type of guy who spoke up everything that came to his mind. There seemed to be no filter to his mouth. Baekhyun used to be like that, too. And he wondered if he made people uncomfortable too back then.

“How are you today, Baekhyun?” Beside him, Yixing turned his body around, facing Baekhyun completely. “You were wasted last night. I’m really sorry.”

Yixing was the sweet guy type. That kind of person who had the purest heart and was just really kind. He also had the most perfect life. People might think that this type of person would live a boring life because everything went smoothly for them. But Baekhyun would’ve traded his life with that type life any second if he could.

“I’m fine.” Baekhyun nodded, silently refusing to face Yixing. He knew that it was rude, especially as Yixing had already turned his body to face him. But it was Baekhyun’s current best skill, avoiding eye contacts with people.

“You still remember us, right?” Jongdae asked, snickering. “You probably didn’t remember Chanyeol, though. He didn’t speak at all last night.”

Baekhyun’s eyes immediately found Chanyeol, who was sitting beside Jongdae, he was also looking directly at Baekhyun. Everyone was looking at him expectantly, and Baekhyun started to feel suffocated, so he put his head down. Uncontrollably, images flashed across Baekhyun’s eyes. He remembered how people back in his hometown always looked at him with judging eyes.

Just as he started to have trouble breathing, he was suddenly pulled out of it as he heard a voice, right near him.

“Baekhyun.”

It was Chanyeol’s, and he had his hand underneath Baekhyun’s chin, forcing him to look up. And Baekhyun was face to face directly with him.

“Why are you always looking downwards? I’m right here,” he said with an almost blank face, but Baekhyun could trace a bit of curiosity in his eyes. “I was telling Jongdae that you remember me because we talked this morning. Am I right?”

Baekhyun swallowed his own spit which had turned into a rock in his throat. Chanyeol’s touch had make him go auto pilot as he could feel his head nodding without his permission.

Chanyeol smiled, not a full smile with all his teeth showing off, instead it was a tight-lipped smile, and Baekhyun felt the rope tied tight around his heart earlier loosening as he witnessed that smile right in front of his eyes.

“Who says you can touch him, Chanyeol?” Kris slapped Chanyeol’s hand away, not hard, but his authoritative voice snapped Baekhyun out of his trance and Chanyeol retreated his hand.

Baekhyun’s head got back down.

 

It wasn’t a rare sight for anyone to see Chanyeol up in the air while he jumped with his glorious height, trying to score points for his basketball team. He, along with Kris, was the school’s aces in both the arts and sports department for their band and basketball expertise.

Since that faithful day that changed his life upside down, Chanyeol had stopped playing basketball. He felt like he didn’t deserve to live. He felt like he was unworthy of the things that brought happiness in life. And basketball happened to be one of those things.

It wasn’t until he met his band mates in high school and got a strong push from them that Chanyeol finally made up his mind to get back to the shooting hoops. And he didn’t regret his decision.

Playing music and basketball almost had the same effect on him. They made him come out of the remaining black holes within him. And they certainly prevented him from being a ticking time bomb.

Chanyeol had lost track of how many shots he had make since he started this morning practice at the school’s gym before the school hour. The sound of the gym’s metal entrance door opening made him stop in his tracks, followed by the sound of a familiar voice of his basketball captain, Kris. It took some time for Chanyeol to catch his breath and realize that the captain had brought someone along with him into the hall.

He surprised himself when he breathed out the name of the person who had been occupying his mind lately. “Baekhyun.”

“You’re early today.” Kris’ voice sliced through the empty gym, echoing into every corner.

Chanyeol didn’t respond and just stood there on his spot with his face flushed because of the intense training he had been doing by himself. But across the gym, he could see Baekhyun looking as fresh as ever, and all of a sudden breathing got easier.

Baekhyun’s expression was similar. That blank yet tense face which Chanyeol hated so much and wanted to get rid off. The only time he was unguarded was the second after he gulped down that drink a few nights ago. As much as Chanyeol longed to see Baekhyun loosen up, getting him drunk wasn’t an option.

Kris grabbed Baekhyun’s hand and pulled him, approaching Chanyeol. “You finished your set?” Kris asked.

Chanyeol put his attention to Kris for the first time since the two cousins came in together. It was just hard to focus on anything else when Chanyeol grew more desperate by the minute, wanting to trace his fingers across Baekhyun’s beautiful face.

“Yeah, I’m done,” he finally answered.

“Good,” Kris took off his backpack and dumped it on the side of the court. “Keep an eye on Baekhyun, will you?” He tapped Chanyeol’s shoulder, and without sparing a glance at a flustered Baekhyun, Kris dashed out of the gym to run a few laps.

“You don’t have to be afraid of me, you know?” The words came out before Chanyeol could hold it back. He almost felt bad, because if anything, Baekhyun looked even more alert now. “Let’s sit on the bench while waiting for your cousin.” When Chanyeol moved to sit on the wooden bench and Baekhyun still didn’t move, he sighed and tapped the seat beside him. “Come on, Baekhyun. You can’t just stand there.”

Baekhyun didn’t react immediately, to which Chanyeol turned weary because the smaller may not be comfortable enough to actually answer with _I can_ and will just stand there until Kris came back. But after a few second of what seemed like an inner battle with himself, Baekhyun walked up to him and sat on the same bench with a considerable amount of distance between them.

Chanyeol’s lips was having a battle between keeping it straight and smiling. And there was something strange happening with his heart, too. If Kris came to know about this, he would never let Chanyeol keep an eye on Baekhyun ever again. He was probably the most dangerous person to be around his cousin right now.

Neither of them spoke nor moved for a while. Chanyeol was still focusing on calming his breathing and heartbeat from all the running around he did in the court for one hour and a half nonstop. While Baekhyun... Chanyeol will never know what was going on inside his head.

“So, how’s Gangwon-do Yanggu?” Chanyeol asked, after a few moments of debating with himself which question he should approach the smaller with that will not scare him off. “I never go there.”

Fortunately, the question didn’t seem to make Baekhyun writhe away. He only shifted his position a little and answered without looking at Chanyeol. “Yanggu is okay, I guess. There are many mountains, so even if it was summer, it’s never as hot as Seoul.”

“It’s always cool there?”

Baekhyun nodded. There was a trace of a smile on his face. A new expression.

“It must be hard for you, then, coming here in the middle of summer.” Chanyeol tried to make the conversation light.

He nodded again. But Chanyeol wasn’t sure if his agreement was meant for the weather or for other things.

Chanyeol looked at Baekhyun’s hand on his laps. He didn’t know why he didn’t notice it earlier. Baekhyun’s hands were so slender, dainty, and so soft. There was this urge to cover Baekhyun’s hand with his. But Chanyeol opted out with scooting closer to the boy beside him, just a little, because for the life of him Chanyeol just couldn’t stay away any longer.

“How about your family?” Chanyeol asked again. “They stay there?”

Baekhyun answered with a short “yeah”. Chanyeol waited for him to continue, but the smaller boy didn’t seem have any intention to talk about his family in Yanggu.

“Is this going to be a thing?” he asked again. This time Chanyeol didn’t try to stare at Baekhyun in discreet and went all out.

Baekhyun turned to him, and stared with the beautiful eyes of his. “What?”

“You going everywhere Kris goes,” Chanyeol stated. Seeing him today tagging along with Kris to the morning practice really made him wonder.

Baekhyun broke the eye contact between them and started to play with his own fingers. “I think so.”

“Why is he so protective over you, Baekhyun? I mean he has never mentioned you all this time. We didn’t even know that he had cousin that mattered to him because he never said anything.”

Seeing Baekhyun bit his lips, Chanyeol realized that he had chosen a sensitive subject. It wasn’t his area to touch. But, surprisingly, Baekhyun answered him. “I’m under his watch.”

_Why?_

Chanyeol wanted to ask further, but he knew he can’t. Or else Baekhyun might run away. So he cleared his thorat and asked another question instead. “What did you do in Yanggu? Part of any clubs?”

There was an apparent sigh of relief coming from Baekhyun, and Chanyeol partly felt glad that he chose the right move. “I was part of the swimming club,” Baekhyun answered, the faint smile back on his face.

“Really?” _So that’s where the gorgeous body comes from_. “Were you good? We have swimming club here, you know?”

Shaking his head, Baekhyun looked at him. “I don’t have any plan to join any club here.”

Another _why_ came up in Chanyeol’s mind. But he chose to pretend that he understood. Before Chanyeol could ask the next question, Kris had come back with the rest of other basketball club members.

 

“I thought you, of all people, would understand when I said that he is off limits.”

Kris leaned his body against the locker beside Chanyeol’s, his hands crossed in front of his broad chest. His eyebrows were raised, turning his face somewhat scary. But Chanyeol knew his best friend better. This expression meant he was insecure.

“What do you mean?” Chanyeol asked as soon as he put everything he needed back into his backpack and closed his locker door.

“You like him, don’t you? You like Baekhyun. I saw the way you looked at him.” Kris straightened up his posture, towering over him. That was his way to intimidate someone by using his incredible height.

“I don’t understand.” Chanyeol still didn’t know if he did like Baekhyun. They had known each other for only a few days, so he can’t really say if he liked him or not. But Chanyeol surely felt the pull Baekhyun had, the control Baekhyun already had over him. And Chanyeol was surprised that it was apparent to someone. But it was Kris he was talking about. He noticed things.

Kris ran his hand over his hair. His expression softened as he exhaled heavily. “Chanyeol, I really love Baekhyun.”

“I know.” Chanyeol nodded.

Kris sighed. “Man, if I could choose one person on this planet for him, it would be you, really. But for now,” he paused, looking conflicted. “Just don’t do it. Baekhyun has issues. And you, no offense, your record isn’t flawless either.”

Chanyeol honestly took offense to that. But he kept the bitterness in his throat and continued to listen.

“Baekhyun already has enough shit in his life, Chanyeol. He needs someone who can support him, take care of him. Not someone... as broken as him.”

It hurt to hear it from your own best friend’s mouth. Kris was one of a few people who supported him the most during his difficult time. Chanyeol always felt grateful that he had Kris as his friend, but this was the first time where he wasn’t on Chanyeol’s side.

Chanyeol wanted the best for Baekhyun, too. He wanted to see the real Baekhyun underneath all his masks. He wanted to see the Baekhyun that Kris loved. So Chanyeol forced a smile on his face and nodded with his stiff neck. “Don’t worry. We’re just friends.”

But as Chanyeol thought, Kris knew him inside out. He saw things the others cannot see. The captain sighed heavily again and prepared to leave for home as he said, “You’re not very convincing.”

 

It was weekend. The weather outside was hot, making the air inside the house to be kind of humid. Baekhyun didn’t get out his bedroom even though he could feel the heat slowly burning him. He had skipped breakfast, but it wouldn’t be that easy to ditch lunch if his aunt asked him to come out later.

His aunt and uncle were soft to him. They always smiled and nodded with everything Baekhyun said, afraid that if they argued, Baekhyun will break down. As if he was that weak.

He was lucky that Kris was busy with band practice in the house basement with his group of talented friends, so he didn’t have the time to pull Baekhyun out of his safe yet hot cocoon. If he, in the end, still had to go out, he hoped he wouldn’t meet Kris’ friends, especially Chanyeol. He can’t face him right now, or ever. Chanyeol made him feel things. He wasn’t supposed to feel anything.

There was a knock on his door just as he was about to turn on his laptop, planning to stream some movies. He waited for a while, thinking that it might be just a hallucination, but another knock came and his uncle’s voice followed. “Baekhyun, it’s lunch time.”

Baekhyun couldn’t help but sigh. He hoped his uncle didn’t hear it, because his uncle had a really soft heart, and if he heard Baekhyun’s sigh, he would be hurt. He would assume that Baekhyun had yet to be comfortable with them. But really, it wasn’t that Baekhyun didn’t want to be with them. It was more to do with Baekhyun knowing that this family was better off without him. Everyone was better without him.

He got down from his bed anyway. He didn’t want to cause any more trouble than not going outside of this house the whole first week he was here. That was before it was scheduled for Baekhyun to start his semester here.

When Baekhyun opened the door, Uncle Wu wasn’t there. He was helping Aunt setting up the table, so Baekhyun decided to walk out his room and help.

When Baekhyun was little, he often visited this house, playing with Uncle Wu, eating Aunt Wu’s chocolate cookies, and having a sleep over with Kris while giggling over a Pororo episode they watched in the afternoon. Baekhyun wished he could be a little boy again.

When Baekhyun approached his aunt to bring the big pot of soup from the kitchen, his aunt yelped in surprise. “Oh, sweetheart. You don’t have to.”

Baekhyun tried to smile. “It’s okay. I’m doing nothing, anyway.”

“Thank you, Baekhyun,” she said with that genuine, grateful smile.

It had been so long since Baekhyun saw his aunt truly smile at him, not just a mere pitiful smile. He almost returned it, but decided to keep walking to the dining table, joining Uncle Wu. “Where should I put this?” he asked. The table was packed with many dishes. Baekhyun quietly bit his lips. Seemed like lunch will involve more people than usual.

“Anywhere is fine, Baekhyun. Thank you for helping,” Uncle’s voice was warm, which made Baekhyun feel like a jerk, for not wanting to engage in things like this with his family.

“Don’t mention it.”

“I’m really happy you’re willing to eat with us today. I haven’t eaten together with you because you’re always already in your room every time I come home from work.”

Now Baekhyun felt so much worse. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Uncle Wu came toward Baekhyun and patted his head softly. “Take your time.”

Baekhyun didn’t have any power to keep his head straight up as he felt tears starting to brim at the corner of his eyes. He squeezed the hem of his shirt tightly, his throat was hurting.

Uncle Wu probably sensed it, so he did one last strong pat on his shoulder before retreating his hand and turning around to his seat. “Go get Kris and the others, will you?”

Baekhyun nodded and kept his head down for the rest of his short journey to the basement.

 

Chanyeol didn’t like it when people touched his guitar, because they’ll ruin it, whether with or without the intention to. And now he needed to work with his guitar because his best friend had borrowed his guitar without permission when he went to the restroom, and unintentionally changed the strings. Chanyeol wanted to strangle his neck, but unfortunately, Jongdae needed his throat to work well for their upcoming gig.

“Why is Chanyeol such a child?” Jongdae snickered. “He looked like a child whose toy just got broken.”

Chanyeol kept quiet. He knew better than bickering with that prick.

“I’m hungry. When will we eat?” Now Yixing was the one who spoke up when the basement fell into silent. Kris was slouching on the lousy old couch and busy playing with his phone, probably texting his girlfriend, to even bother with his group bantering.

Chanyeol had his own questions looming inside his head. Where was Baekhyun? Can he meet him? He had not meet him for a few days, and it started to drive him nuts. After Kris’ confrontation, Chanyeol tried hard not to think about Baekhyun. But it was sort of impossible. Chanyeol wanted, no, he needed to see him.

But he didn’t say anything and focused on his guitar before Jongdae talked, “Hey, I heard a rumor about Baekhyun.”

That was when Kris finally tore his sight away from the screen of his phone. “A what?”

Chanyeol too had abandoned his initial aim to work on his guitar.

“There’s a rumor going around for a few days,” Jongdae’s expression somehow turned serious. That was definitely a rare moment. “There’s a student who has a cousin who lives in Gangwon-do Yanggu, Baekhyun’s hometown. And his cousin knew what happened with Baekhyun. You know, because Yanggu is a small city and apparently everyone knows each other’s stories.”

Now the basement was silent, eerily. Chanyeol’s heart beat so fast that he could hear it clearly. And he didn’t have the gut to turn around facing Kris, to see the guy’s reaction.

“What did they say?” Kris finally said, his voice low. “What did they exactly say about him?”

“Nothing offensive, really. They said...” Jongdae trailed and clasped both of his hands together. It was obvious that he was nervous. “He witnessed a murder. Right in front of him. With his own eyes.”

“Is that the reason he moved here?” Yixing looked at Kris and Jongdae back and forth. “Or is that the reason he’s always so quiet?”

No one said anything after that. Everyone was waiting for Kris, the overprotective cousin, to speak up, to clear it up. God, Chanyeol really wished that Kris will clear that up. That the rumor was wrong. That Baekhyun didn’t witness anything, especially not a murder. Baekhyun didn’t deserve it. No one deserved to see something as cruel as that.

Chanyeol took a glance on Kris. The guy’s grip on his phone was hard, almost like he would break it. But it was expression that managed to catch Chanyeol’s attention. There was confliction, he was conflicted. And Chanyeol slowly started to breathe again. Kris’ expression wasn’t like a rabbit caught in the act. That was something relieving.

“Is that true?” Chanyeol voiced out his thought for the first time. He can’t keep quiet anymore.

Kris looked at him. He was about to open his mouth when there was a knock on the basement door. Everyone was startled and they all stopped moving.

“Yeah?” Kris answered loudly. “Come in.”

Baekhyun emerged from behind the old metal door. His face was make-up free, like his usual face in school. This was the first time Chanyeol saw the combination of Baekhyun’s clean face and casual clothes. And he still looked amazing.

“It’s lunch time,” Baekhyun mumbled, glancing at Chanyeol for a second before his eyes were back at his cousin.

“Right. Let’s eat.” Kris got up from the couch. His previous conflicted expression had changed into his usual one.

When Kris got out of the studio, the others followed suit. None of them spared a glance at Baekhyun, clearly still affected by the previous talk. But Chanyeol stayed on his seat, eyes never leaving Baekhyun.

Baekhyun fidgeted. “You’re not coming?”

“There’s a problem with my guitar. You wanna help?”

He fidgeted even more, biting his lips as he looked upstairs, as if checking that no one would come look for him. “What’s wrong with it?” he asked as he came closer.

Chanyeol didn’t expect him to actually approach him and sit beside him. “Jongdae messed with the strings. Are you familiar with guitar?”

“Not at all.” Baekhyun shook his head. But his face was curious. “Since when did you start playing guitar?”

That was the first question about Chanyeol that Baekhyun threw at him, after all this time. It seemed ridiculous how Chanyeol’s heart felt like bursting at the mere thought the boy just asking about him out of curiosity.

“Since I met Kris and the other, the beginning of our first year.”

Baekhyun nodded. “I really wish I had learnt to play an instrument. You’re good at everything, Chanyeol.”

Well, Chanyeol definitely wasn’t good at hiding his feeling in front of Baekhyun, and it just hit him that this was also the first time Baekhyun had said his name. Not knowing what to say, Chanyeol cleared his throat. “Well, you’re good at swimming I suppose.”

Baekhyun smiled weakly. “Not anymore. Obviously I’m out of shape right now.”

“You used to not smiling at all. Now you smile once in a while. It means you could get back in the pool again,” Chanyeol blurted out, without thinking. He wanted to slap himself for saying that because now Baekhyun seemed uncomfortable. “Do you want to teach me how to swim? I can’t swim.” _Is this how I’m really asking him out?_ It had been three years since the last time Chanyeol asked someone out. He had lost his touch, failing miserably.

An awkward silence stretched between them as Chanyeol heard someone stepping down the stairs. And before he could force a smile on his face, hoping that Baekhyun will say yes, the latter already got up and said, “How about next weekend? I don’t know where though.”

Caught off guard, Chanyeol spent a brief moment to come up with a respond. He didn’t really know if there was swimming pool in the area. He took a mental note for his future date that he needed to check the location first before asking out.

“I’ll tell you the place,” he ended up saying, a few seconds before someone came up from the door. It was Aunt Wu.

“Kids, the soup’s getting cold. Hurry up,” she said, and Chanyeol was forced to fight the urge to break his face with a big smile for the rest of the afternoon.

 

Chanyeol took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and eyeing the doorbell of Kris’ house with burning eyes.

He was sure that Baekhyun was devil in disguise. How could he promise a date for a whole upcoming week, making him suffered from waiting this day to come? Well, Chanyeol knew that it would be inconvenient if they went swimming during the weekdays, but this one week was spent by Chanyeol with his heart beating fast every time he saw Baekhyun, remembering their upcoming date.

He was pathetic. Baekhyun probably didn’t think even the slightest that this was a date. But Chanyeol was hopeless, so he would take anything as a date, forgetting his promise to Kris that he will remain only as friends with his little cousin.

He should’ve learnt about Baekhyun in the seven days of his waiting days so his date could go well. Instead, he got nothing but the usual quiet and only-smile-once-in-a-while Baekhyun, and also rumors about him roaming around the school.

Chanyeol was thankful that Baekhyun wasn’t effected by the rumor. If anything, he spent more time with their group, and already looked a little more comfortable with them, not like usual where it looked like he would pass out of lack of oxygen like the first couple of times.

Now Chanyeol was the one who felt like passing out. He didn’t know why he was so nervous. He kept saying to himself that this was nothing. He just hoped he wouldn’t do anything stupid to make things awkward, or even worse, Baekhyun avoiding him. That was the last thing Chanyeol wanted right now, and that was why he said to himself repeatedly, keep it casual, keep it casual, _keep it casual_.

When he finally pushed the doorbell, it didn’t take a long time for it to be answered. Just as he expected, it was Kris.

“Hey.” Chanyeol waved, rather awkwardly.

Kris’s face turned sour. “Fuck off,” he said as he moved to close the door.

“No, no, wait.” Chanyeol put his hand on the door, trying to hold it open. “Look, we’re just going to swim.”

Kris knew about their plan today. Of course Chanyeol already told him. He wouldn’t be able to bring Baekhyun out if he didn’t get Kris’ permission. Since the first time Kris knew, he didn’t receive the news well. Chanyeol had expected it though.

“It’s not just a swimming practice for you. I know you too well, you sly fox.”

If they weren’t in the middle of a heated situation, Chanyeol would laugh. Who said sly fox nowadays? Even his grandfather didn’t.

“Well.” Chanyeol honestly cannot retort to that accusation. “Whatever you say, it’s still just a swimming practice. I won’t do anything to him. I swear or you can kill me.”

“I’ll kill you if you even think about it,” he warned, and paused, waiting for Chanyeol’s response. After Chanyeol nodded, he turned around. “Wait here.”

Well, that went smoother than Chanyeol had expected.

The summer was almost over, and the weather wasn’t as savage, but Chanyeol already started sweating. It was the perfect day for swimming.

And there was Baekhyun, walking toward the door with casual white short-sleeve t-shirt and knee-length short, and a small backpack slung over one of his shoulders.

Chanyeol nearly fainted by the sight of him. Baekhyun was too adorable. But he quickly gathered himself. “Hey, you ready?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun nodded. Looking around into the house, and loudly announcing, “I’m going.” Then he got out of the house and closed the door behind him.

It took a few moments of awkward staring before Chanyeol grinned and broke the ice. “Let’s go?”

 

With this type of weather, Baekhyun thought the pool would be packed, plus it was weekend. But it turned out to be deserted. After experiencing an awkward silence during the walk to pool, Baekhyun had actually hoped for the pool to be occupied by at least a few people so he wouldn’t experience any awkwardness of being alone again with Chanyeol. But to his despair... well, luck had never been on his side for so long.

Baekhyun dipped both of his legs on the pool, testing the water, as he sat down near the edge, waiting for Chanyeol to finish changing. Baekhyun took the time to scan the area. It had been months since the last time he stepped his foot into a pool. There was an exciting feeling bubbling inside of him, and he almost can’t wait for Chanyeol to return. So, he distracted himself by observing some people around the pool. Besides him and Chanyeol, there was only a group of family of three and one lifeguard, whose name was Hyojin, or so Chanyeol had told him.

The lifeguard waved at him, probably noticed that Baekhyun was staring too long at her, or probably because she was just being friendly, thinking that he was Chanyeol’s friend. Baekhyun almost waved back, raising one hand up in the air, but something in him stopped him. Instead, he put on a forced little smile, and turned his head around.

Chanyeol returned a minute later. He was wearing the same thing as Baekhyun, a knee-length short. Baekhyun had to admit Chanyeol had a nice body. The guy was ripped.

“I have to be honest.” Chanyeol joined him by the pool. Baekhyun could see how long his legs were with half of them uncovered like that. “I can’t swim,” he confessed.

“At all?”

Chanyeol played with his legs, the water splashed below him. “Just a little bit. Like very little.”

He looked so nervous that Baekhyun smiled unintentionally. Chanyeol was so good at almost everything that it felt weird to see him being insecure about something.

“It’s okay. Let’s go,” Baekhyun said as he threw himself to the water, immediately going into serious mode. His body seemed to still remember the movements although he had not been practicing for a long time. After a while, he started to feel comfortable.

 

Baekhyun was definitely something. His swimming was no joke. His skill could be at a national athlete level. He was that good. Chanyeol obviously didn’t expect it.

He didn’t mean to get dramatic, but his sort of swimming practice was starting to drain all of his energy.

Chanyeol touched the edge of the pool as he emerged from the water, the droplets of water streamed down his face as he gasped for air. Breaststroke was freaking hard it was killing his lungs.

Meanwhile, Baekhyun beside him was still as gorgeous beyond anything. Chanyeol resist the violent urge to do something to him every time the swimmer came near or touched him without a thought as he taught Chanyeol how to swim.

Chanyeol was out of control. This was definitely the worst idea for a first date. It was torturing him.

“You’re pretty good.”

“Yeah?” Chanyeol swept his hand across his face, wiping the water off of it. “I’m dying though.”

“Your breathing technique was good, probably because you’re an athlete yourself. You’re exhausted because the timing between your hands and feet strokes were messy.”

Chanyeol could barely remember his name back then because how good looking Baekhyun was, let alone remember to smoothen the rhythm of his feet and hands movement.

“You’re very good at this. Ever joined a championship?”

Baekhyun laid his back on the water, doing a backstroke slowly only with his feet, while both of his hand remained motionless at his sides. Chanyeol followed, walking through the water beside him.

“A couple of times,” he answered. The bright yellow light of the sun caught his skin, making him glow.

“Liar,” Chanyeol teased almost immediately.

And there was his light smile again. “Well, a few couple of times.”

“Won any medals?”

They reached the end of the pool by the time Baekhyun said, “Gold once and silver three times.”

Chanyeol’s mouth dropped open into a small O. “Wow.”

“It’s seriously nothing. Yanggu is a small city.”

“But still, you’re great.”

Chanyeol felt Baekhyun’s eyes linger a little longer on him. He hated how those beautiful eyes were clouded with doubt, as if calculating the honesty in Chanyeol’s words.

“Thank you,” Baekhyun finally said, not more than a whisper. “Should we go now? You don’t have any plan for today?”

“Nope. Honestly, I can’t really think of anything else besides coming here with you. You?”

There was an evident pink color spreading across the cheeks of the boy in front of him. He shook his head slightly. How cute.

“Do you want to come by my house?” Chanyeol suggested. “You’ve shown me how to swim, and this time, I’ll treat you to a free lunch at my house.”

“I—I don’t need you to pay me back.”

“Oh, come on.” Chanyeol grabbed the edge of the pool, putting all of his strength to his hands, and pulled himself out of the pool. “It’s still morning. We have more times before Kris could wonder where you are.”

 

“Sometimes I get ignored, you know. He wouldn’t take any opinions or critics against his own perception. He’s just selfish like that, sometimes. But he’s cool, and sassy. God, don’t get me started on his sass, it’s annoying. And then I just have to suck it all up, because he’s the freaking captain.”

The whole time he talked, Chanyeol was walking backwards, facing Baekhyun. The latter honestly didn’t understand why would he do that, but he supposed Chanyeol was a unique creature. Rather than beating himself for why Chanyeol talking to him about Kris with so much interest, Baekhyun was too busy thinking of a quick reason to bail on this plan of visiting Chanyeol’s house.

This was a stupid idea. As the thought of him going to Chanyeol’s house finally sank in, Baekhyun realized that this was a mistake. He wasn’t supposed to make friends, wasn’t supposed to get close to anyone, let alone going to visit someone’s house.

He had gone too deep.

“Baekhyun? You’re okay?”

“What?” Baekhyun blinked. Chanyeol wasn’t in front of anymore, walking backward. He was beside him now, staring at him. Something about Chanyeol’s warm eyes made him woke up from his daze. “I’m okay. Sorry, I was lost in my thought.”

“As long as you’re okay.” Chanyeol put both of his hand behind his head. “I understand you’re bored because we talked about Kris.”

That almost made Baekhyun laugh, but he held it in. “Kris is not that bad.”

“You mean the person or the talk?” Chanyeol was looking at him with playful eyes this time. God, his eyes were so beautiful it’s impossible to look away.

“The talk. And the person, of course.”

And then there was his smile. Baekhyun wanted to be able to smile so bright and genuine like that.

“I’m starting to think that you actually like me talking.” Chanyeol rubbed his nape.

Baekhyun wouldn’t admit that he enjoyed listening to Chanyeol’s voice. Nope. But Chanyeol always had this thing that Baekhyun couldn’t grasp as to why he could make Baekhyun stop shutting everything off and actually listen.

“So,” the taller of the two began again. “That house at the end of the street is my house. My mom’s probably home. And I should tell you in advance, that she’ll freak out when she know that I bring a friend.”

“What do you mean?”

“Not freak out in a bad way. She’ll just turn extremely happy when I brought friends.”

“Kris and the others have never been to your house?”

“I mean a friend other than my band mates,” he explained as he locked his eyes on Baekhyun’s. “I don’t exactly have many friends, Baekhyun.”

_Really?_

Somehow the thought of Chanyeol not having many friends didn’t fit well in Baekhyun’s head.

“So, yeah. If she freak out, I’m sorry. She’ll probably, like, hug the life out of you or something.”

Baekhyun nodded, suddenly wondering if his presence was okay. At least now his hair had dried. He wanted to look presentable in front of Chanyeol’s mom. He didn’t want his messy presence freak her out even more.

As soon as they arrived, Chanyeol took no time to get inside, dragging Baekhyun along, although the latter somehow thought Chanyeol would have asked him to wait outside first.

His house was nothing grant, but it wasn’t like a pile of shaft either. It was actually lovely, warm house. Baekhyun liked it, more than the house he currently lived in, Kris’ house. And he quickly felt guilty. Kris’ family had taken him so openly, and he was being an ungrateful little bitch.

But, really, Baekhyun liked Chanyeol’s house. And a warm feeling quickly spread within him, knowing that Chanyeol grew up in this beautiful house.

“Mother? I’m home,” Chanyeol’s voice boomed throughout the house, making the smaller jump a little. Baekhyun still hadn’t gotten used to that deep voice.

Unsurprisingly, a woman who Baekhyun assumed was Chanyeol’s mother came out from the kitchen. It was amazing how fast she smiled when she spotted Chanyeol.

“Sweetheart,” cooed the petite middle-aged woman, as she took off her apron and put it on a hook in the wall.

“Hi, Mom. I brought a friend.” Chanyeol put a hand around Baekhyun’s shoulder.

His mother’s smile was so endearing that Baekhyun suddenly missed his mother. That was weird, because Baekhyun hadn’t think, or rather ried not think, about his parents since he arrived at Seoul.

“Oh my God, hi,” she greeted in a really high pitch tone, and Baekhyun thought her smile can rip her face for how wide her smile was. “How rude I am for not noticing you there.”

Baekhyun forced a smile when Chanyeol’s mother walked around the living room, approaching them. “It’s fine. I’m Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun’s initial intention was to bow, doing the formal greeting, but Chanyeol’s mother was fast. Before he knew, the hand that wrapped around his shoulder wasn’t Chanyeol’s anymore, it was his mother’s now, wrapping him with two full hands.

“Hmmph,” a weird voice unintentionally came out from Baekhyun’s mouth. He forcefully lowered his body so the woman can hug him easily. Her friendliness reminded him a lot of his own mother.

“Mom, you’re choking him.” Baekhyun heard Chanyeol chuckle beside him.

“Oops, I’m sorry.” She laughed, then let him go. “I’m just always so happy seeing Chanyeol’s friend. So, new friend?”

“Baekhyun is Kris’s cousin. He lived with Kris here in Seoul now,” Chanyeol explained for Baekhyun. And Baekhyun thanked him for that.

“No wonder you’re so good looking. I bet your family has that gene from the handsome prince’s empire,” she giggled, and it was kind of contagious.

“I don’t think so.” Baekhyun laughed. A genuine laugh just worked its way out of his mouth. He almost can’t believe he just did that.

“You’re such a sweet kid.” She looked at Chanyeol. “You always choose sweet and kind friends.”

Baekhyun barely spoke five sentences but Chanyeol’s mother already said he was sweet and kind. It was strange how Baekhyun felt devastated and happy at the same time.

And then there was Chanyeol staring at him with those warm eyes, once again making him feel things. This flood of unnecessary feelings was starting to suffocate him. Most likely because Baekhyun tried so hard to press it down.

“Have you boys eaten yet? I made some kimchi fried rice.”

“It’s okay, Mom. We’ll wait until lunch,” Chanyeol assured as he put his hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder, again.

Chanyeol’s mom looked slightly dejected that Baekhyun felt bad. He cleared his throat and said, “Maybe a drink?”

She looked surprised. “A drink. Of course, oh my god. What’s wrong with me today? Why am I so rude to my Chanyeollie’s guest?”

Baekhyun tried to ignore the term of endearment he just heard. _Chanyeollie_. He needed to admit that it was so cute that his tongue froze for a second.

“I’ll make something. Baekhyun, you sit,” Chanyeol said as he guided the smaller boy to the couch. Baekhyun couldn’t really object to that. “Could you accompany him, Mom?”

“You don’t have to. I’m fine.” Baekhyun didn’t know who that sentence was for. For Chanyeol making him something to drink or for Chanyeol’s mother going to accompany him.

And unsurprisingly, both Chanyeol and his mom told him at the same time, “It’s okay.” Then they looked at each other and laughed together. For a moment, Baekhyun felt out of place.

Chanyeol’s mother sat down beside Baekhyun as her son walked backward toward the kitchen. “What do you want, Baekhyun? Mom?”

Baekhyun answered, “just tea” at the same time Chanyeol’s mom said, “I’m good.”

Chanyeol smiled and did something unexpected that threw Baekhyun completely off guard. He winked. To him. Chanyeol was surely confusing the hell out of him.

As soon as Chanyeol disappeared into the kitchen, Chanyeol’s mother grabbed Baekhyun’s full attention as she scooted closer to him, her eyes gleaming with curiosity.

“Where are you from, sweetheart?”

Baekhyun tried to accept that endearment though he wanted to protest that there was no way he was a sweetheart, not even near. “From Gangwon-do Yanggu. I came here three weeks ago.”

Baekhyun can see she wanted to ask further about this matter, but she swallowed it in. Instead, she changed the topic. “Chanyeol said he was going swimming. I was surprised because he never had an interest in swimming. Besides, he can’t swim. But now I can see why he was so eager this morning. Turned out he got a new friend.”

“Chanyeol is a really good friend.” Baekhyun nodded.

A small smile spread over Chanyeol’s mom’s face. “Aww, sweetheart. Yes, he is. I’m just so happy that he got back to normal, making friends, hanging out.”

Baekhyun raised hiw brows. One word caught his interest. “Normal?”

The woman didn’t immediately respond to that. She studied him, with those familiar warm eyes. After a while, she smiled again. “Let’s just say that Chanyeol used to be really quiet. He had a lot going on back then, before he got to meet Kris, Jongdae, and Yixing.”

This was the first time Baekhyun heard that. There wasn’t even a fraction of thought that Chanyeol would be quiet _back then_ , as in Baekhyun’s opinion, Chanyeol was the epitome of fun.

“I didn’t know that.” Baekhyun could only respond with that.

“He’s getting much better now, thanks to his best friends. But I know that he’s still suffering here and there.”

Baekhyun wanted to look away because he could see her eyes started to pool up with tears. But then he spotted Chanyeol coming out from the kitchen, and suddenly he felt like he just got punched in the gut as he realized that his eyes were probably too clouded with his own darkness that made him neglect his surrounding, for all this time he spent with Chanyeol, it was the first time that Baekhyun could see through beneath those warm eyes of Chanyeol’s.

Chanyeol had the same darkness he had.

 

“I thought Baekhyun is off-limit.”

Chanyeol seriously considered whether he should rip off Jongdae’s mouth or not. The guy just couldn’t seem to shut up and had not stop whining about the same thing over and over since morning.

“He is,” Kris stated simply. Chanyeol was glad that there was a girl, a new girl, beside the captain. Or else he was sure the captain would flip.

“Then why did Chanyeol get a chance to go out on a date with him?”

Chanyeol held down a groan. This was his own fault, he knew. He blurted it out this morning that he had a fun weekend with Baekhyun at the swimming pool.

“It’s not a date,” Chanyeol decided to say, although deep down he still considered it as a date. But Kris was in front of him, and Chanyeol didn’t want to risk his life.

“It’s not fair. I want to have a date with him too.” Jongdae pouted.

Yixing finished his ice cream and smiled contentedly. He was strange enough to have an ice cream for lunch. “How was your date with him, Chanyeol?” he asked.

“Could you guys stop? It’s not a date.” Chanyeol put down his chopsticks. “It was a swimming practice.”

“Bullshit.” This time it was Kris. “He brought Baekhyun to his house after that.”

Jongdae’s mouth gaped. “What a traitor.”

Chanyeol closed his eyes and sighed. There was a weird proud feeling surging from his chest for he was the first person here to be able to go out with Baekhyun. Since Baekhyun was one hell of a guy, Chanyeol was certain that he wasn’t the only one who had set his eyes on him. But it also made him uneasy because his friends kept teasing him.

Kris chuckled. His mouth twisted into a mocking smile, eyes playful. “You guys don’t like Baekhyun enough to be on par with Chanyeol. Baekhyun has been here for only three weeks, but this guy can’t be patient even when I asked him to fucking wait.”

Chanyeol’s expression mirrored Kris’ one. He can’t help but chuckle, too. From what Kris said, people would think that Chanyeol was hopeless. But it was kind of true. Baekhyun definitely had stirred something in him. Something that Chanyeol had not felt for a long, long time. And Chanyeol can’t do nothing but drawn into him.

“Does it mean you give me your blessing?” Chanyeol asked, his tone half teasing, half serious.

“No way,” Kris stopped for a while, looking at Chanyeol now with heavy gaze, then continued. “Not now, at least. Jesus, be patient, Chanyeol. Love is all about patience.”

Whoever said love is patient certainly never fall in love with Baekhyun.

Especially after the weekend event happened. If Chanyeol wasn’t convinced about his feeling toward the guy before, he was so sure it was killing him right now. Chanyeol liked him, attracted to him, hell, he even started to think he was falling in love. Who wouldn’t fall for Baekhyun anyway?

Kris kept saying that he was broken and Chanyeol called that bullshit. Baekhyun was not broken. Sure, he was already on the edge, his foot already dipping in the water, but he was nowhere drowning. He still can be saved. And if Baekhyun can’t save himself, then Chanyeol will. Just like how his best friends saved him back then.

“Speaking of Baekhyun.” The chick in Kris’ arm opened her mouth.

Chanyeol didn’t even know who she was. And they were too engrossed in the conversation that they forgot she was here.

“Was it true? About the rumor I mean.”

Oh, not this again. Chanyeol had grown tired of hearing people’s speculation about Baekhyun. For God’s sake, let the guy live. Can’t people just stop being nosy assholes and mind their own business.

Everyone at the table fell into silence. Kris even started to snuggle out of her embrace, but the nameless chick didn’t seem to read the situation and blurted out something that none of them expected.

“Rumor has it Baekhyun committed a murder back in his town.”

_What?_

What kind of a joke was that?

That stupid joke had make Chanyeol’s heart stop beating for a split moment. Chanyeol had a principle to never hurt a girl, but right now the urge was so strong. No one was allowed to say shit about Baekhyun, certainly not in front of him. She was lucky she was Kris’ girl, for today. And why Kris didn’t say anything? Chanyeol took a glance at his captain and...

 _Hell no_.

Kris’ face was as pale as a sheet. His eyes shook violently as he stumbled over his tongue. One look at him, Chanyeol already knew. 

“Is it true?” The girl chirped again, oblivious to her surrounding of four silent men.

Chanyeol’s eyes fixed on Kris, waiting for him to laugh it off, object it, push the girl away, slap her, any reaction, anything. But Kris kept silent and his face got paler by seconds.

“There’s no way it’s true, right?” Jongdae laughed awkwardly. “I mean... that’s just a stupid rumor, right?”

But Kris was still unresponsive. Yixing and Jongdae looked confused, too. And Chanyeol felt like dashed out of the cafeteria and found the person who started this shitty rumor. He didn’t care if the rumor was true or not. The problem was, that rumor existed. A trashy and stupid rumor that could stain Baekhyun’s name, spreading around the school. Chanyeol can’t have that.

Just as Chanyeol got up from his seat, through his vision, he spotted Baekhyun entering the cafeteria. Chanyeol wasted no time to get to him.

God, nobody knew how relieved Chanyeol was seeing Baekhyun there. All the knots in his lungs had been released, and he put all of his willpower to not hug and crush the petite male in front of him.

“Hey,” Baekhyun greeted, and he was smiling too. Something that Chanyeol not expected at all. His smile definitely brought a breath of fresh air into him.

Chanyeol smiled back. “Hey. What’s with the coat?”

Baekhyun was wearing a green coat with thick fur rimmed around the hood. It was raining from early morning. Chanyeol himself was wearing a thick hoodie over his uniform.

Baekhyun looked at his attire for a moment and sighed as he pressed his lips into a thin line.

Wow. That was definitely new expression. And Chanyeol was surprised. Baekhyun had been showing him new faces, more than he expected, in the span of a few minutes. He was impressed. And the talk about Baekhyun’s rumor earlier was long forgotten.

“I only own coats. Because Yanggu is mountains and everything.”

Baekhyun was pouting now. Another new expression. Chanyeol longed to pinch that soft cheeks. Not to mention, Baekhyun in a winter coat was the epitome of adorable. He was like a bundle of warm and fluffy things.

Chanyeol’s face was probably really weird right now because Baekhyun was fidgeting in his feet uncomfortably. “I look ridiculous. I know,” he said.

Chanyeol chuckled. “Of course you’re not. If anything, you look extremely adorable.”

Baekhyun’s brown eyes gleamed for a second. Baekhyun should really go easy on this whole new expressions, it was killing the taller guy.

He didn’t know Baekhyun could change by the weekend. Since he came to Chanyeol’s house, he seemed different, only a little, but still significant to Chanyeol. He wasn’t the blank and expressionless Baekhyun anymore who only smiled a forced smile once in a while. At least in front of Chanyeol, he seemed to have already loosen up.

“You’ve had your lunch?” Chanyeol asked.

Baekhyun replied with a nod. “I come to buy something to drink.”

“Me too.” No, Chanyeol wasn’t going to buy a drink, but he was pathetic enough to lie so he could be together with his crush. “Let’s go to Mrs. Lee together.”

Baekhyun didn’t even protest or hesitate now. That was a _huuuge_ improvement. Chanyeol was somersaulting mentally as the both of them walked together to the beverages counter.

And as fast as his heart went wild with excitement, Chanyeol’s heart stopped immediately when he heard a mocking whisper directed to the boy beside him.

“ _Murderer_.”

Baekhyun stopped on his track and grew tensed beside him as Chanyeol’s vision turned red. Blood roared into his ears and he had gone autopilot in a second. He didn’t realized he had turned around and yanked the hand of the speaker. Through his flickering dark eyes, Chanyeol recognized the boy as the school’s jock from the football team, Lee Taekgu.

“What did you just say?”

“Fuck off, Chanyeol.” Taekgu spit. His big body didn’t scare Chanyeol even a tiny bit.

“Chanyeol, stop.” Chanyeol heard Baekhyun call out, but he didn’t let go the jock’s hand.

Chanyeol drew a calming breath. He didn’t want to pull any attraction to them. But some students in the cafeteria had already stopped their activities and were watching them instead.

“Take your word back,” Chanyeol muttered. He felt his whole body trembling with restrained fury.

Kris and the others had come up to them and took a place behind Chanyeol. “Chanyeol, what the fuck is going on?” Kris asked, placing his hand on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

“This prick said…” Chanyeol paused. “...something to Baekhyun.”

“Chanyeol, please, let go of him.” Baekhyun grabbed the back of Chanyeol’s hoodie. The grip wasn’t strong enough. _Fuck_. Even through his thick hoodie, Chanyeol could still feel Baekhyun’s trembling hand.

“Something?” Taekgu smirked, and it made Chanyeol want to punch the living day light out of him. “I said murderer. Why are you so worked up? Is it true, then? Is Baekhyun really a murderer?”

And that was it. He snapped. Suddenly the air wasn’t cold anymore, it was crazy humid for Chanyeol. Without missing a beat, he launched his body on the big guy, reaching for the collar of his shirt. “Take it back,” he growled. “Fucking apologize to Baekhyun.”

It took every string of his control to not punch Taekgu. Chanyeol knew he can’t punch him, or else he’ll get in trouble with the school. And the thought frustrated him.

The asshole grinned. “What if I don’t want to? Is he gonna kill me?”

All of a sudden, the weak grip on Chanyeol’s hoodie was gone. And he saw Baekhyun brushing pass him, walking out of the cafeteria. His rage toward Taekgu was long forgotten as he let go of Taekgu for this jerk was not his concern, at least not at the moment. Baekhyun was all that matter to him, especially after he felt Baekhyun’s hand brushed his skin when Baekhyun dashed off just now.

His hand was cold as ice.

 

It had been so long since the last time Baekhyun heard that word thrown at him. Not since he moved here.

 _Murderer_.

Trying to shut out the violent repeating sound of _murderer_ in his head, Baekhyun shut his eyes, but only in vain. In between the hollow sound and the blood rushing in his ears, he could hear a faint voice behind him, calling his name. It only made him run faster. He wanted to get away as far as possible from the crowd, from people who watched him with judging eyes.

_Murderer. Murderer. Murderer._

His heart hammered so hard as if it was threatening to rip his chest open. His stinging tears clouded his vision, making it harder for him to get through. It was a definite mistake to go to the cafeteria. It was a mistake for him to come here. It was a mistake for him to even _live_.

_God, kill me._

Suddenly there was harsh tugging at his hand, forcing him to stop. And his blurry vision was immediately filled with Chanyeol’s concern face. “Baekhyun, don’t listen to him.”

It only occurred to him that he was breathing hard. He can’t barely talk. It took a moment for Baekhyun to find his voice. “I have to go back to class.” He could see Kris and the others running to them. And it was only freaking him out even more. “Chanyeol, please...”

Their gazes met. And Baekhyun could feel Chanyeol’s hold on him had loosened. He took that chance to snatch his hand away from the taller’s grasp. A wild impulse had him running the moment Chanyeol’s hand let him go, making him not being aware of what was in front of him. He unconsciously ran toward the stairs, not minding his steps, losing his balance, and ended up tripping over his own feet.

Baekhyun tried not to cry out loud as he flied, literally flied, from the upper stairs to the bottom. He chuckled inwardly. Wasn’t it just one minute ago he had asked his almighty God to take him? He should be thrilled. It wasn’t every day God granted his wish, if not never. At least, He really granted what Baekhyun had wished for since _that_ dreadful night.

He was going to die, finally.

A murderer like him deserved to die.

People said that when you were faced with your death momentum, you’ll see memories flash across your vision. But Baekhyun saw nothing, all he thought about was this moment. This moment was the moment he had been waiting for.

Baekhyun closed his eyes, waiting for the hard ground to hit him.

Except he did not. He did hit the floor, but he landed on something else, or rather on someone.

After a while, voices started to fill his ears again. The first thing that registered into his eardrums was the strong, rapid sound of heartbeat. But it wasn’t his own. It was this person’s heartbeat who had somehow caught him, engulfing him with his firm and protective arms around him.

And Baekhyun realized that he didn’t die. He wasn’t dead.

There was a beat before he felt the arms around him releasing him, and once again, Baekhyun’s vision was filled with Chanyeol’s face. There was a world of pain and panic in his expression. His bloodshot eyes were zeroed in Baekhyun.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Chanyeol yelled.

Baekhyun didn’t realize that his heart began to pound too. Looking at Chanyeol’s angry eyes, it felt like waking up from a dream. A dream consisted of something you wanted so much, but the second you woke up, you realized that things didn’t turn out like you really want them to.

“Fuck, Baekhyun, you’re bleeding.” Chanyeol reached out his hand to Baekhyun’s forehead. It was visible that Chanyeol’s hand trembled terribly. As his fingers touched the skin of Baekhyun’s forehead, the latter felt how cold Chanyeol’s hand was.

“Baekhyun, you’re okay? Shit, your forehead.” Jongdae was beside him already, crouching. Kris and Yixing were behind him. “Chanyeol, what about you?”

“I’m okay,” Baekhyun said, his voice cracking. People had started to surround them, and Baekhyun suddenly felt so drain. He put his head on Chanyeol’s shoulder as Chanyeol’s hands wrapped around his waist.

“We need to get him to hospital, Kris. He hit his head.” Chanyeol’s voice was laced with panic, impossibly shaking.

Baekhyun wasn’t sure if he really did hit his head. If yes, he didn’t realized it at all. He was probably too engulfed in his trance of wanting to die so much to even feel his own forehead hitting the cold floor, or maybe the wall. Baekhyun seriously had no idea. Even now, he didn’t feel the pain at all. He just felt really tired and sleepy.

“Let’s get him to Nurse Kim first. It’s probably just a scratch.” Baekhyun heard Kris’ voice right above him. Even Kris’ voice wasn’t as panicky as Chanyeol’s.

“Are you kidding? He’s bleeding, Kris.”

There was a pause, and Baekhyun began to go in and out of consciousness. So he focused on Chanyeol’s ragged breathing, trying hard to stay awake.

“What happened here?”

It was an unfamiliar voice, a woman voice. Probably Nurse Kim, Baekhyun thought, as he could feel her presence now beside him and Chanyeol.

“He fell from the stairs,” Chanyeol answered. A string of pain in his voice didn’t go unnoticed by Baekhyun. “We need to get him to the hospital, Ma’am.”

There was a shuffle, and then the nurse was getting her phone out and walking away from the crowd to call 119. Baekhyun hoped the crowd could vanished. He started to feel suffocated. It was harder for him to breathe.

“Chanyeol,” Kris called him out. “You don’t have to go to the hospital. We can take care of him.”

One thing that Baekhyun noticed from Kris’ voice was that it was the same tone that he used when Baekhyun first arrived at his house earlier this month to live with his family. It was concern, pity, and understanding all at once.

“No, I’m going.” Chanyeol’s tone was final.

In between his struggle to stay conscious, Baekhyun felt his body was picked up, with Chanyeol’s strong arms scooping him up as if he weighted absolutely nothing. Then, the moment his body came in contact with Chanyeol’s broad back, Baekhyun completely blacked out.

 

Baekhyun had been asleep for what felt like a moment. But it was a really good sleep, which had not happened to him for a long time. Usually his sleep was filled with mostly nightmares. Nightmares of when everyone ganged up on him, throwing rocks and garbage at him, sometimes screaming insults and the word _murderer_ at him.

It shocked him when he saw Jongdae’s figure beside his hospital bed. He realized it the second he woke up, he was in a hospital room. This wasn’t the first time he was sent here anyway.

“You’re awake, babe?” Jongdae raised from his seat. He still wore his uniform and he looked relieved, before a grin took over his feature. “I probably shouldn’t call you that, right? Chanyeol would tear me apart.”

At the mention of Chanyeol’s name, Baekhyun immediately got up from his bed. “Where is he?”

“Jesus Christ.” Jongdae chuckled. “Slow down, will you? He’s outside with Kris and Yixing.”

“Is he okay? I mean he kinda caught me and I’m not exactly a light weight.”

“Kinda? When he saw you fall, he fucking ran and flied down the stairs to catch you. Okay, that may seem rather dramatic, but it’s true. He was like a fucking prince.” Jongdae looked amused, but a second later, grim clouded his face. “But yeah, he’s okay, I guess.”

Jongdae’s hesitancy didn’t convince Baekhyun even a bit. Chanyeol’s face back then was not okay, he was in pain. Baekhyun needed to see him himself to make sure he was okay.

“What have you done to him, Baekhyun?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s...” Jongdae paused, looking somehow confused. “I mean, I love Chanyeol. He’s my best friend. I know pretty much everything about him, and this...” He pointed Baekhyun’s bed, the ceiling, the room. “He hates this, Baekhyun. Never wanted to come here, even when Yixing got hospitalized because of an appendix problem a few months ago.”

Baekhyun didn’t know where Jongdae was going with this conversation, and he honestly didn’t know how to respond. But strangely, his heart ached the more he learnt about Chanyeol.

“And now, despite the fact that I know it was killing him inside, he still came here,” Jongdae inhaled. “For you.”

Baekhyun felt his throat closing up and his stomach tense. “Can I see him, please? Can you get him?”

Jongdae’s lips were compressed in uncertainty, until he nodded. “Alright, stay put.” Then he made a bee line toward the door and stepped out of the room.

And then Baekhyun was left alone. He touched his forehead. It has already been bandaged, obviously. He wondered what happened to it though. Was it only a scratch or did he really hit his head hard? 

It wasn’t long until Chanyeol emerged from the door. He had changed his clothes, Baekhyun noticed. Shit, it was probably because his blood was all over him.

Baekhyun fixed his eyes on Chanyeol, determined to see through if he was hurt, even a bit. The first thing he noticed was that Chanyeol looked as if he had been chased through hell. But the second his eyes met Baekhyun, it looked like he just saw ocean for the first time. 

“Hey.” Chanyeol sat at the edge of his bed. His eyes were heavy, there was something off with his expression.

“Are you okay?” It was the first thing Baekhyun said to him.

Chanyeol gave him a look, like Baekhyun just asked him if the earth was round. “Baekhyun, you’re the one who just fell down the stairs and hit your head and passed out.”

“And you happened to be the one who caught my heavy body,” Baekhyun retorted. Taking a deep breath, Baekhyun continued, “Thank you for that, by the way.”

“You didn’t really sound grateful.”

Baekhyun flushed and looked away. He had tried to hide his bitterness when he said his gratitude, but Chanyeol had read him thoroughly.

Silence ensued between them. Baekhyun realized that this was the first time there was tension between them. Not the usual tension when Chanyeol would continuously make his heart beat faster. This one was a thick and dark tension that he was desperate to get rid of.

“You scared the shit out of me, Baekhyun.”

Baekhyun’s breath caught in his throat. He can’t find any words to defend himself. When he turned around again, Chanyeol’s face was only a mere inches away from his. And a pang of guilt immediately consumed him. Because he never wanted anyone to scare for him. Chanyeol didn’t deserve it.

“I was surprised I didn’t find you or Kris beside me when I woke up.” Baekhyun tried to change the direction of the conversation.

“Believe me I wanted to be by your side. I really did. That’s all I wanted.” He sounded really exhausted. Even more exhausted than Baekhyun. “But I guess I’m not so fond of the idea of being in a hospital room since...”

Chanyeol’s face turned green until Baekhyun can’t bear it. He was very aware what this was. Chanyeol’s mother voice kept ringing at his head as he waited for Chanyeol to continue. _He had a lot going on back then_. And there was Jongdae’s confession earlier.

“Since?”

This time, it was Chanyeol’s turn to refuse to look at Baekhyun. “Since Sehun died.”

Baekhyun gripped his hospital blanket hard. He got a feeling this wasn’t exactly something he wanted to hear. “Who’s Sehun?”

“My little brother,” Chanyeol answered. “He died when I was in my last year of middle school. He was only eight when it happened.”

There was sudden bitterness in Baekhyun’s mouth. _Chanyeol lost his little brother_. So, that was where his darkness came from.

Suddenly, Chanyeol’s mother smiling face flashed in his mind. It was the face of a woman who had experienced the most tremendous pain in her life, but she still managed to smile so fondly, love so fiercely toward Chanyeol, her husband, and even to Baekhyun.

“Chanyeol, I’m so sorry,” Baekhyun finally uttered, his voice croaking.

The air in the room turned so cold right now that it was making Baekhyun shivered. His heart felt empty and he wanted to reach his hand out to Chanyeol so much, so he did. Chanyeol’s hand was as cold as ice.

With his gaze fixed on Baekhyun’s eyes, Chanyeol bitterly smiled. “He fell off the stairs.”

_Oh, god._

Now Baekhyun felt like puking. He couldn’t find his voice at all. If he could, he wouldn’t say anything either. He had a feeling if he opened his mouth, he’ll start crying. And this wasn’t about him. This was about Chanyeol. He shouldn’t be the one crying.

Chanyeol’s hand trembled in Baekhyun’s grip. He took a few shallow breath as Baekhyun noticed his eyes begin to water. He realized that he cared for Chanyeol so much. Seeing him in pain hurt the fuck out of him.

“It was an ordinary day. I picked him up from his school because my mom was sick that day. He told me he got an A in reading. So I bought him a balloon. Turned out it was the biggest mistake of my life. We were taking the stairs of the overpass. I swear I held his hand at that time. But the wind blew and his damn balloon slipped away from his hand, and...”

“You don’t have to tell me this, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun squeezed his hand.

Chanyeol made a face, and it looked painful. “I didn’t know how, honestly until now I still don’t know, how on earth I let him off my grip to go after that balloon.”

Baekhyun can’t help imagining it. Chanyeol probably can’t do anything at that time. He can’t stop his brother from falling, from hitting the ground. He probably cried out for help to the people around him while his brother was unconscious in his hand. Baekhyun immediately shut down his mind, because the image of Chanyeol in a miserable state was making his chest hurt.

And to think that Chanyeol got to go through that horrible experience again, because of him, it destroyed him.

“He went into comma for four days before in the end he can’t fight anymore.” He looked at Baekhyun. His eyes were vulnerable, not like his usual bright and playful eyes. “I kept blaming myself. That it was my fault. For months, I couldn’t meet my parents’ eyes. They kept saying that it wasn’t my fault, but I refused to believe that, until I went to high school and met those three. They... saved me.”

Baekhyun didn’t want Chanyeol to look at him right now as a single drop of tear rolled down his cheek. 

“That’s why, I was so, so glad that I could save you, Baekhyun. If I didn’t catch you, I’ll never, ever, forgive myself for the rest of my life” Chanyeol gave him a smile, laying his hand on Baekhyun’s cheek, wiping off the tears.

They stayed silent after that. And the tears kept rolling out of Baekhyun’s eyes as Chanyeol continously wiped them away. Baekhyun felt extremely guilty for scaring Chanyeol like that, and made him remember the horrible past.

After a while, Chanyeol took a deep breath. His hand still latched on Baekhyun’s cheek, rubbing it gently. “Can you do me a favor, Baekhyun?”

Anything. Baekhyun would do _anything_ for Chanyeol.

Baekhyun nodded, and Chanyeol’s hand was cold and shaking. He also noticed Chanyeol’s pale face. Was he even breathing the whole time he told the story? Baekhyun wasn’t sure.

“Don’t die on me, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol looked so frail when he said that. “Is that too much to ask?”

“No,” Baekhyun answered immediately, shaking his head. “I won’t die. I’ll make sure I won’t die before you.”

Chanyeol laughed. God, it was like holy water had been poured over Baekhyun’s whole being, because after all that had happened today, Chanyeol’s laugh was all he needed.

Baekhyun was surprised when Chanyeol leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead for a good few seconds before he pulled his face away and smiled the first genuine happy smile since Baekhyun fell. He looked at Baekhyun, scanning his face thoroughly, every inch of it, and exhaled shakily.

“Thank God you’re okay,” he breathed it out. “Thank God.”

Before Baekhyun could even react, a nurse and a doctor came into the room. But neither of the boys moved from their position. Chanyeol only removed his hand from Baekhyun’s face, but he kept it near the smaller’s.

“We need to examine him one last time before we’re able to release him,” the doctor explained.

“Release him?” Chanyeol asked, his tone had changed totally, more alert. “Are you sure? He’s only been here for four hours.”

The doctor smiled at Chanyeol as he came closer to the bed. “That’s why we’re going to check him, Son. Will you let us?”

“Can he stay with me here?” Baekhyun surprised himself for asking that. But he really didn’t want to let Chanyeol out of his sight.

“I’ll stay with you,” Chanyeol said without giving the doctor the time to answer. He released Baekhyun’s hand and got down from the bed. Then he sat patiently as the doctor started the examination.

The doctor noted that Baekhyun’s wound was just a scratch. When he fell, he probably brushed onto the wall beside the stairs. He also said that there was nothing wrong with his head or limbs, which meant his passing out was probably due to shock.

After they declared that Baekhyun was good to go, they left the two alone again, and Chanyeol wasted no time to flee to his side again.

“You sure you’re okay?”

Baekhyun nodded. If anything, spending the night here in the hospital was the last thing he wanted.

“Alright. I’ll get Kris.”

Just as Chanyeol was about to leave Baekhyun’s side, the smaller called out of him. Chanyeol turned around and looked over at him, and Baekhyun’s heart seized that he thought it might explode any second now. 

“What?”

Baekhyun got down from bed, standing close in front of the tall guy whom he once didn’t like at all, but somehow and in some way a connection had formed between them. He tried to pace his breathing yet he failed, and it came out shallow instead.

Chanyeol noticed the change in him and quickly eliminated the remaining space between them. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Baekhyun didn’t answer. He can’t answer. The words were caught in his throat. _I’m not a murderer_ , Baekhyun wanted to say. Chanyeol had told him a really dark side of his, and Baekhyun really, really wanted to tell him his darkness inside on him too. But somehow, he didn’t want Chanyeol to look at him differently, like the way the other kids at his previous town did.

Baekhyun didn’t realize that Chanyeol had rest his hands on his waist for a while, making it easier for him to breathe. He looked up at him, blinking back the tears that have already started to build in his eyes.

“I’m not a murderer.”

Baekhyun didn’t have the time to look at Chanyeol’s expression as he immediately pressed his face against the taller’s chest. He didn’t _dare_ to look.

But he felt a hand gently stroking his hair, and there was a rough, calming voice. “What are you talking about. God, Baekhyun, of course you’re not.”

Baekhyun tried to stop his tears, but failed miserably. His emotions were too raw right now, all the heavy dead weight he had been carrying crushing him from the inside. He hated himself for breaking his dam in front of Chanyeol.

“Hey, come on, don’t cry,” Chanyeol pleaded. “Don’t listen to Taekgu, or anyone. They’re just assholes.”

Baekhyun gulped for air and slowly calmed down, trying to focus on Chanyeol’s assuring shush. His voice was so comforting it hugged like a live blanket.

Chanyeol slowly pulled Baekhyun out of his embrace and gently tipped Baekhyun’s head up. His eyes searched for Baekhyun’s, and his voice was clear and steady as he said, “You’re not a murderer.”

Baekhyun had heard this sentences thrown at him many times. By his parents, his family, his close friend, his therapist. But he never believed a word, until now.

He believed it when Chanyeol said it.

 _You’re not a murderer_.

 

“I heard Baekhyun is coming tonight.”

The soft voice of Yixing succeeded to reach Chanyeol’s ears despite the crowded sound of the pub. Chanyeol snapped his head up, tearing his eyes from his electric guitar.

“Really?”

“Oho,” Jongdae snickered. “Someone suddenly got excited.”

Chanyeol clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes before he brought his concentration back to tuning his guitar, saying nothing.

He had been on edge in the mention of Baekhyun these past few days. That traumatic day where Baekhyun fell of the stairs had been taking a toll on him greatly. He began to remember his late brother more and grew depressed over it. But he tried hard to suppress it. He had done it multiple of times anyway.

Meanwhile, Baekhyun had been absent for a few days, resting. Though he was extremely worried for the petit boy’s condition, he was somehow grateful that he didn’t have to see him directly after the incident. One, because when he looked at him, he’ll probably be reminded of his little brother again. Two because he was too afraid to see how Baekhyun would react to him after he told him his dark past. Three because the fact of that ambiguous _I’m not a murderer_.

It all happened in a day. Crazy.

But Chanyeol had missed him. He was dying to see him. He needed to see him. A reminder that everything was okay.

“But Baekhyun really is coming though,” Yixing said once again. “Kris texted me. Asked me to tell you so you wouldn’t freak out.”

Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows. “Why would I freak out?”

“By freaking out, Kris meant you hugging Baekhyun or something.” Jongdae sniffled a laugh, Yixing followed suit.

Discomfort squeezed Chanyeol’s chest, not because he was offended by Jongdae’s words, but because he knew that if he did see Baekhyun, he really might just hug him. He might be anxious on the prospect of meeting him, but his need to hug the smaller boy was bigger. After the hug in the hospital, Chanyeol had replayed the scene in his head a thousand times. Despite the situation, Chanyeol still noticed how perfectly Baekhyun seemed to fit against him. And it would be a total lie if he said he didn’t want it to happen again.

Trying to regain his focus, Chanyeol shook his head. Just as he finally tuned his guitar, Kris appeared at backstage, and Chanyeol’s eyes immediately looked behind the captain, searching for the younger cousin.

“Baekhyun is at the bar, dumbass.” Kris chuckled, putting down his bag and getting his drumsticks out from inside. “You need to recharge your energy by hugging him first before you go on stage?”

“Fuck you,” Chanyeol hissed. He tried to look piss, instead he could feel himself blushing. Damn it.

Kris’ mischievous face was soon long gone and replaced by his serious expression. He twirled one of his sticks with one hand as he smirked. “Ready, guys?”

All of them nodded and followed Kris out onto the stage, and their vision immediately filled with glaring lights and crowd in front of the stage. Chanyeol let the loud cheer sound drown him as he set up his guitar. He wanted to play as soon as possible, to take his mind off the unnecessary complex thoughts.

“Happy Friday night, Moonstone!” Jongdae roared, followed by the cheer of the crowd.

Chanyeol smiled, easing his body and mind and trying hard to stop himself looking for Baekhyun in the crowd. But the initial beat of Kris’ drum pulled him out his thought and made him stifle a curse when he missed a millisecond of a beat.

They played five songs. And Chanyeol was drenched with sweat as he stepped off the stage. The night air was crazy humid, a sign that it will rain soon. Chanyeol immediately put down his electric guitar and took off his jacket.

“It’s fucking scorching out there,” Chanyeol huffed into the chair. “I’ve never wanted to get off stage so badly before in the history of us playing here.”

“Speaking of history,” Jongdae joined beside him after taking a large gulp of mineral water. “That was our twentieth show here.”

“Really? That’s quite a number,” Yixing smiled, then he turned to Kris. “Should we celebrate it?”

Kris shrugged. “It’s only twenty. Nothing special.”

“Really? Hyojin Noona certainly thought it’s special since she asked her dad for free drinks all night, any drinks.” Jongdae grinned.

Chanyeol almost choked. “Seriously? And that old man agreed?”

“Surprisingly, yes.” A well-known feminine voice replied. Hyojin was standing at the door with her arms crossed, a glint of excitement in her eyes. “Now I suggest you guys, as tonight’s guest of honor, to come out right now.”

Chanyeol was going crazy. He wasn’t ready to come out, to see everyone—alright, let’s be honest, he wasn’t ready to see Baekhyun, to be specific. But on top of it all, he was also aching to see him. He felt exhausted, as if he had not slept a single blink for three days straight. That was how he felt after not seeing Baekhyun’s face for days.

He didn’t notice when Jongdae pulled him by the shoulder until a blast of hot air hit his face. The pub was so packed he was having a hard time breathing.

“Congrats, bro. You guys are awesome.”

One of the boy from school, Chanyeol recognized, bumped into him. Chanyeol didn’t know him, but he still smiled. Jongdae was the one who returned his bro hug.

It was kind of awkward, actually. It wasn’t their anniversary or anything. Twenty shows didn’t seem worthy enough to celebrate, but he assumed that people just loved celebrating, no matter what for.

Jongdae pulled him again. They bumped into a few group of their friends before Chanyeol finally zoomed out of his focus toward Baekhyun, on Kris and Yixing’s side by the bar.

He unsurprisingly could breathe easily now.

Chanyeol studied him as he got closer. Baekhyun was having the same get up he did back when they first met. Black leather jacket, white t-shirt, and that beautiful make-up enunciating his beautiful features. He was so gorgeous as usual, but Chanyeol couldn’t help but wonder why the boy only dressed up and put on make-up at times like this, when he was at the pub.

“Baekhyun!” Jongdae let go of Chanyeol’s shoulder and launched himself at the smaller boy. “How are you, buddy? I’ve missed you.”

Baekhyun chuckled, loud enough for Chanyeol to hear it clearly between the loud music. God, why can’t this pub be filled with Baekhyun’s pretty laughter instead of shitty music.

“You’re hot today, Baekhyun. I like this version of you.”

Jongdae was putting his arm around Baekhyun’s and Chanyeol was suddenly waved over by a pang of jealousy. Baekhyun was insanely good looking tonight and everyone’s eyes, not only Jongdae, are on him, and it made Chanyeol want to rip their eyes so they could stop ogling him.

Chanyeol marched up to Baekhyun and forcefully broke him and Jongdae apart. By the look of his friends and Baekhyun, they were obviously surprised by his sudden aggressiveness. But Jongdae’s smirk told him that he was intentionally making him jealous. That little shit.

He laid a firm hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder and forced him to face him. “Hey.”

Chanyeol could feel Baekhyun’s breath hitched for a second, but then he relaxed and beamed so bright that Chanyeol also found his own breath stop. “Congratulation for the twentieth show,” Baekhyun said.

“It’s nothing. More importantly, how’s your head?”

“It’s fine.”

“Oho, what is this?” Jongdae had joined Yixing and Kris, watching them in amusement. “Why are you guys so lovey dovey. I’m jealous.”

Chanyeol wanted to smack Jongdae. He and Baekhyun were having a moment there, but the jackass ruined it. It was funny how a moment ago he had thought about not wanting to see Baekhyun because he had been nervous. But now, after Chanyeol had finally seen him, he can’t find any will inside of him to leave Baekhyun alone.

“Can you shut up?” he hissed, earning a mocking smile from his friends.

“Alright, we need to go around to greet our friends.” Yixing took his drink and got down from stool. “You coming, Chanyeol?”

Before Chanyeol could answer, Kris had beat him. “No, he stayed with Baekhyun.” He looked at Chanyeol. “Look out for him.”

“Of course.” Chanyeol nodded, and Kris left with Yixing pulling on Jongdae’s collar to follow them.

The two of them were left alone in no time. Chanyeol had expected the awkward tension, but he was surprised that Baekhyun was the one who broke the ice.

“We haven’t seen each other for a while,” he stated, taking a seat on a stool which was previously occupied by Yixing. But his eyes had yet to meet Chanyeol’s.

 _I missed you_ , Chanyeol wanted to say, but it came out, “Yeah.” Chanyeol also took a seat beside him. The place was so crowded it was sweltering. Chanyeol was glad he had taken off his jacket earlier. “My, it was so hot here. Aren’t you hot?”

“No, not really. I guess I’m just glad I didn’t have to stay at home after being caved in for like four days.” Baekhyun sighed. “But I’m 100% fine now.”

Baekhyun really looked like someone who was excited and worried at the same time. But his state right now was more bearable to look at than the first time Chanyeol saw him here at the pub. Back then Baekhyun was really on the edge. Chanyeol liked to think it was because Baekhyun had become more comfortable around him, or had opened up in general.

When Chanyeol took a close look at him, he saw Baekhyun’s brown eyes lined by eyeliner. If those eyes were not the most beautiful thing in the world, he didn’t know what were. The second thing he noticed about Baekhyun’s face was the tiny plaster on his forehead beneath his thick black fringe. Chanyeol could only hope his wound had completely healed.

“What are you looking at?” Baekhyun smiled, and Chanyeol was glad he was sitting down because he wasn’t sure if his legs would have supported him as Baekhyun threw him that beautiful smile.

Chanyeol cleared his throat. He needed to pull himself together. “Uhm... you want a drink?”

Baekhyun looked taken aback by the question and quickly averted his gaze. Chanyeol immediately remembered the first night, when Baekhyun couldn’t handle his drink as much as he can’t contain himself once he was drunk. But Chanyeol wanted Baekhyun to loosen up, after all the horrible things that had happened to him recently. He wanted Baekhyun to trust him.

“I’ll be your DD tonight,” Chanyeol said, his voice steady, making Baekhyun look at him again. “Or even your bodyguard.”

With Baekhyun’s appearance like this, Chanyeol was sure that every single person in this room at least wanted to be around him. Baekhyun always had that magnificent magnetic force that drew people into him, at least to Chanyeol it seemed like that. But because he was Kris’ cousin, everyone backed out. Let’s just say that Chanyeol was lucky that he was Kris’ best friend. But it didn’t mean he would take advantage out of it. All he wanted was for Baekhyun to let loose, enjoying himself. And Chanyeol would be there for him, to protect him, to be his _friend_.

“I... I’m not a good drinker.” Baekhyun bit his lip.

Chanyeol chuckled. “I know. But, what, you haven’t gone out for four days, right? At least you could treat yourself with a drink.”

Uncertainty flashed through Baekhyun’s eyes, but they were fixed on Chanyeol’s, trying to search the sincerity in it. It seemed as if he found it, because a moment later, Baekhyun exhaled and said, “Alright, I trust you.”

Chanyeol didn’t expect Baekhyun to agree so quickly. But now he felt like flying, like his heart had grown ten times larger. He felt so full and happy and relieved at the same time. He pushed down his sheepish smile to compose himself. “So, what do you want?”

“I don’t know.” Baekhyun pursed his lips. “Whatever you think suits me. But not too strong, please.”

“Right, the weakest drink. As you wish, sugar cube.” Chanyeol was over excited that he started to jump in his seat and sputtering nonsense.

Baekhyun looked at him with shock, but ended up laughing. “Did you just call me...”

“Sugar cube, yeah. And baby doll, and buttercup, and cupcake—”

“Alright, stop.” Baekhyun tried not to laugh. His cheeks tinted with pink blush. “I thought you’re going to order me a drink.”

“I am. I am.”

 

 

After one bottle of beer, Chanyeol could see that the pink blush on Baekhyun’s cheeks was no longer that one of being flustered. He wasn’t drunk, tipsy yes, but he was still aware of his surroundings. And his miserable state which Chanyeol had witnessed during the first time they met had not made its appearance this time. Chanyeol hoped it would not.

“How come you never play guitar for me, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol almost choked on his soda. Baekhyun’s tone was shaky and teasing when he said it that Chanyeol would’ve thought he was talking nonsense, but his glazed eyes were serious.

The thought to play for Baekhyun had occasionally reached his mind. Of course Chanyeol wanted to play for this special person of his. But the time never came. It still surprised him when Baekhyun himself asked that question though.

“Do you want me to play it now?”

Baekhyun snickered. He had been laughing continuously since the first drop of beer touched his tongue. He really can’t drink. “Nooo, I want you to play it in private, for me.” His hand touched his own chest, pointing himself. “Now, how about we dance?”

Okay, that was even more surprising, because the thought of him and Baekhyun dancing together never ever crossed his mind. But before Chanyeol could respond, Baekhyun had grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the dance floor, threading in between a sea of people with his small husky voice saying “excuse me” and “coming through”.

When they had arrived at what Chanyeol assumed to be the center of the dance floor, Baekhyun stopped and turned around facing him. It didn’t occur to Chanyeol when Baekhyun locked his arms around his neck that the music blasting all around the room was EDM. Yet Baekhyun was dancing slowly, with his head resting on Chanyeol’s shoulder.

Chanyeol thought it was probably better for him to be drunk too so he wouldn’t feel embarrassed over this as he did right now, but the warmth of Baekhyun’s skin seeping through the layers of their clothes had him forgetting anything else around them. The soft breathing replaced the EDM in Chanyeol’s ears. When Chanyeol took a breath of his own, a mixed scent of cocoa and sweat of Baekhyun’s hair filled his lungs.

Chanyeol exhaled a calming breath as he put his arms around Baekhyun’s waist and leaned closer, pressing his cheek to Baekhyun’s head. Despite not drinking even a single drop of alcohol, Chanyeol felt light-headed for some reason.

They kept dancing for God knows how long, before Baekhyun finally shuddered and spoke in a harsh voice. “Chanyeol, what’s your favorite song?”

Swaying slowly to the left and right, not matching with the music beat, Chanyeol now put his chin on Baekhyun’s crown to make it easier for him to speak. “Uhm, I don’t know. But I like Queen.”

Baekhyun groaned. “I don’t want you to play me their songs.”

_Oh._

“What song do you want me to play, Baekhyun? What’s your favorite song?”

There was silence, then an abrupt giggle, a really cute giggle coming from the tiny man in Chanyeol’s arms. “I like mainstream music.”

“What, One Direction?” Chanyeol chuckled.

Baekhyun looked up to him through the strands of his dark hair. His pretty pink lips formed a frown. “Are you teasing me?”

“I’m not.” The corner of Chanyeol’s mouth shifted up. “Their music is good, too. I’ll play you _Perfect_.”

The smile adorned Baekhyun’s face after that could light up the room. It was brightest smile Chanyeol had ever seen coming from him. It made him happy and in pain at the same time because did it mean Chanyeol can only see that happy smile when Baekhyun was drunk? He wanted to see that smile every time.

“ _Perfect_ is perfect.” Baekhyun put his head back on Chanyeol’s chest, sighing contently.

They continued their dance as Chanyeol began humming the rhythm of the song. It was messy, because he didn’t know the song enough to hum it, let alone sing along. Moreover he wasn’t sure Baekhyun can hear him in between the loud music. But Chanyeol just wanted Baekhyun to know that he’ll do anything for him.

Chanyeol took the time to see his surroundings. He can’t recall Moonstone ever being this packed. Everyone was having fun, that was the most important. Even Kris, Jongdae, and Yixing were all smiley. He hoped that they could always like this, without any burdens, just enjoying the moment.

Chanyeol smiled just before he felt Baekhyun slowly slip from his arms. It seemed the wariness and alcohol was finally taking over him right now that the shorter’s hands around his neck had loosened.

He tightened his grip on Baekhyun’s waist as he leaned closer to the other male’s ear. “You okay?”

Baekhyun opted to squirm into the taller’s chest, sending a weird shiver through Chanyeol’s body. “Can we go?”

“Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t know.” Baekhyun looked up. His eyes were hazy and hooded. And sad. That was Chanyeol’s cue to get him out of here.

“Let’s go home. Is that okay with you?” He felt bad that he was so caught up in the moment, enjoying his surrounding while Baekhyun grew uncomfortable.

Chanyeol can see that Baekhyun was about to answer him when someone bumped his body into Baekhyun’s back, causing him to crash onto Chanyeol.

“Hey,” Chanyeol yelled as he put his arm onto the smaller’s back. “Careful.”

The guy mumbled an apology to him, not to Baekhyun. Chanyeol was going to yell at him again before he felt a tug on his t-shirt.

“It’s so stuffy,” Baekhyun whined. If Chanyeol wasn’t in the pressing state to keep Baekhyun safe, he would be squealing over the cuteness.

“Are you alright?” Chanyeol said in concern. 

“Yeah. Can we go?” Baekhyun looked up at him, eyes glistening with something akin to tears.

The sight was enough to make Chanyeol’s throat closed up. He hoped for dear life it was because of alcohol, not the other thing he was afraid of. Sadness.

Chanyeol took a step back and moved his hand to grab Baekhyun’s wrist. “Alright. We’ll go now. But we have to see Kris first.”

Baekhyun let himself being led by Chanyeol through the crowd. The taller male tightened his grip on the smaller male’s delicate wrist, making sure he wouldn’t lost him in between the sea of sweaty people in the club.

It didn’t take long for him to spot Kris and the other as he already saw them earlier. They were chatting with some people, basketball team, Chanyeol noted, probably talking about the upcoming game this weekend. He almost forgot about that.

As soon as Kris saw Chanyeol and Baekhyun joining them, he stopped laughing and straightened his back. “What’s up?” His voice was alerted, making everyone else gone quiet, and all attention went to Chanyeol. Sensing Chanyeol’s urgency and Baekhyun’s stillness behind him, Kris approached them so his band mate could talk to him comfortably. “What’s the matter?” he asked again.

“I’m going to take Baekhyun home.”

“What? Why? Is he okay?”

“He’s...” Chanyeol paused, looking over the drunk boy. “I don’t know. He wants to get out of here.”

Kris stepped closer to his cousin, tilting his head to see his face. “He’s drunk.”

“He drank a little bit. I let him,” Chanyeol said, taking full responsibility of his probably silly act to let Baekhyun drink.

His sorry-not-sorry expression probably showed for the frown on Kris’ face gone a second later, replaced by an amused chuckle. “Do I even have a say in whether you should take him home or I, as his cousin, should take him home?”

“No,” Chanyeol shook his head almost immediately. “You drank. I saw you. And I’m not allowing Baekhyun to be under your care.”

“And you didn’t drink?”

“Not even a single drop.”

Chanyeol locked his eyes, unwavered, onto his leader’s eyes. Kris needed to see that Chanyeol was serious, that Baekhyun was not a laughing matter to him. He needed Kris to trust him. And this was one of the ways to get it.

“You don’t have to give me that deathglare. I got it. You take him home. I’ll text my mom to let her know both of you are coming home.” Kris patted Chanyeol’s shoulder before he stood in front of his cousin. “Chanyeol’s going to take you home, alright?” he said to Baekhyun and looked at Chanyeol once more. “Take care of him.”

Chanyeol smiled at him, letting go of Baekhyun’s wrist and traveled his arm to put it on the small of Baekhyun’s back. “Always.”

 

Getting Baekhyun out of the pub while carrying his guitar and his bag was quite a workout. His already drying hair had dampened once again by the time he crawled into the driver seat of his car. Panting heavily, Chanyeol turned around to see Baekhyun sat beside him on the passenger seat, body curling like a little ball with his head tucked in between his knees.

He made sure that Baekhyun’s belt was fixed before he started his car. Chanyeol exhaled and inhaled slowly, filling his lung with a breath of fresh air as well as trying to calm his heartbeat.

“We’re going,” he said, not sure if Baekhyun even heard him. But then the drunk boy replied with a soft yet hoarse hum.

Worried, Chanyeol constantly looked back and forth between the road and Baekhyun beside him, checking to see if he was okay. He knew it was dangerous, but it was almost midnight so the road was not that crowded.

He started to think that Baekhyun was asleep as he didn’t hear another sound coming from him, but then the small male stirred on his seat, leaning to his side, facing Chanyeol on his left. His eyes were calm now, shining as the streetlight reflected on them.

“How did you do that, Chanyeol?” he asked.

Chanyeol’s eyebrows met at the middle. “Did what?”

“Survive after Sehun died.”

Chanyeol let the sound of honks and cars outside filled the silence. He didn’t expect the question at all. He knew Baekhyun wasn’t in his right mind now, or else he wouldn’t dare to ask something like this. He should probably feel surprised, and he expected sadness would wash over him, but nothing came. If anything, he was even more concerned now.

Chanyeol was about to respond, but Baekhyun beat him to it.

“Ah, right. Because you had Kris, Chen, and Yixing.” Baekhyun laughed, and Chanyeol shivered because it sounded so fake. “You had your best friend.”

“Baekhyun, are you okay?”

Chanyeol heard nothing in response, and there was this strong urge to reach his hand out to Baekhyun, to pull him close.

“I have no one, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun’s voice cracked, like it was being strangled. “I don’t have anyone on my side.”

Chanyeol’s pulse sped up and his chest impossibly tightened. “That’s totally wrong. You have— Baekhyun, what are you doing?”

Baekhyun was rubbing his face harshly, his eyes, his lips, all over his face. 

“You’re ruining your make up. Stop it!”

Baekhyun did exactly as he was told to. He stopped but his make up, especially his eye liner and possibly other black substances that Chanyeol didn’t know what the name of, was smeared around his eyes and cheeks. Baekhyun looked like a nightmare. But it wasn’t because of the ruined make up. It was the sadness overtaking his face that made him look a mess.

“Baekhyun—“

“It’s alright.” Baekhyun repositioned his seat so he now could sit facing the road upfront. “I’m not in the pub anymore so I’m saved even without it.”

Confusion clouded Chanyeol’s mind. He no longer focused on the road as he grew more alert about the male beside him. He seriously contemplated to pull off the road. “What do you mean you’re saved without it?”

Amidst the intense situation between them, thank goodness Chanyeol still managed to get ahold of his stirring wheel and drove in the right direction. As soon as they left the main street, darkness fell over them, only a dim light of neighborhood lamp shined upon them once in a while.

“Because...” Baekhyun faltered and bit his lips, and Chanyeol suddenly regretted for asking a question. “I don’t want people to see me as a weak person.”

Chanyeol didn’t understand, but he kept quiet.

“If I wore make-up, people will not...” Baekhyun blinked rapidly, it was obvious he tried not to cry. “...people would think I’m strong and they won’t bother or hurt me.”

Chanyeol gulped and his palms started to grow damp. He had not expected that answer from Baekhyun, not ever. Because if anything, Baekhyun was not weak. But what caught him off guard was the idea of Baekhyun hurting. What the hell did it mean? Did someone bother Baekhyun back then and made... this isolated person he was now.

“Baekhyun.” Chanyeol swallowed his fear. “You’re not... weak.”

The petit male beside him didn’t respond. Through his peripheral vision, Chanyeol saw his small posture trembling. When Baekhyun’s house came into view, Chanyeol let out a desperate sigh of relief. He pulled off into the Wu’s residence driveway and quickly cut off his car engine, but his hands still gripped onto the steering wheel hard, afraid that if he released it, he’ll immediately find his hands wrapping themselves around Baekhyun’s shattering frame.

He really shouldn’t have let Baekhyun drink in the first place. This was all his fault.

“Chanyeol...” his voice cracked, and Chanyeol’s heart cracked along with it. But when Baekhyun finally lifted his head and looked up to him, that was when Chanyeol can feel his heart completely shattered, and nothing could stop him as he quickly took the crying boy into his arms.

“Ssshh... don’t cry. Please...” The wound in his heart after the last time Baekhyun cried in the hospital had not healed yet, now it had been cut open again.

They stayed like that for a good ten minutes. Chanyeol’s waist started to hurt because his awkward position, but Baekhyun had been crying nonstop onto his t-shirt, and Chanyeol wouldn’t let himself to move except his hand that ran over the crying boy’s silky hair.

When Baekhyun’s sobs had thinned out, Chanyeol leaned in to the other’s ear. “Let’s get inside, okay? It’s passed midnight and you’re exhausted.”

Baekhyun didn’t argue with it. He let Chanyeol pulled him out of his embrace and waited for the taller boy to open his door.

“Can you walk?” Chanyeol asked as he held Baekhyun to get down from his car.

The drunk boy nodded, though his feet staggered when he touched the ground, his head clearly still clouded with alcohol. But once again he let himself being dragged to the front door.

Just as Chanyeol wanted to push the bell, Baekhyun tugged on his shirt. “Wait.”

The other boy stopped his movement and turned around facing the drunk boy, and once again felt like his heart ripped out of his socket. Baekhyun’s face was so puffy and red. Chanyeol would have squealed over how baby-like Baekhyun was, but knowing how much pain Baekhyun was in, Chanyeol also cried along with him inside.

“What’s wrong?” Chanyeol asked, tilting his head so he could fully see Baekhyun’s face.

“How are you going to go home?” Baekhyun blinked. It was amazing how his broken expression had whipped off and replaced by his adorable usual self, but still with his tear-stricken cheeks, puffy and black eyes.

The urge to touch his face was unbearable this time, so Chanyeol just went along with his instinct. Baekhyun’s skin felt even smoother than marshmallow. “What do you mean? I have my car.”

“But you’re going to go home alone.” Baekhyun leaned in to the touch. “I’ll accompany you.”

Chanyeol smiled, shaking his head. “That’s stupid. It just means I’ll have to drive you here again.”

“But you can’t go home alone. It’s dangerous.” Now Baekhyun sounded more like a whining child, and Chanyeol was just glad that the drunk boy seemed had forgotten his misery for now.

“It’s okay.” Chanyeol pulled him close once more, now setting both of his arms around the smaller’s back. “I just need you to be safe and sound, and I’ll be okay.”

Baekhyun lifted his face to meet Chanyeol’s gaze. Chanyeol can’t help to succumb into Baekhyun’s glazy and shining eyes.

“Why are you so kind to me, Chanyeol?”

Heat began to creep up onto his face and Chanyeol was not sure if he was supposed to answer it or if it was just a hypothetical question.

“Baekhyun, I—“

“You always make me happy,” Baekhyun continued, still staring right into the taller’s orbs. “I don’t deserve to be happy, Chanyeol. It’s not fair.”

Torn between feeling happy and confused, Chanyeol furrowed his eyebrows. And once again, he had a feeling he was going to hear something he wouldn’t like.

Gulping, Chanyeol asked, “Not fair for who?”

Somehow, Chanyeol hated himself for already expecting the previous spark in Baekhyun’s eyes to disappear. But it didn’t mean it didn’t kill him any less. It hurt the fuck out of his heart to see tears starting to pool again in Baekhyun’s pretty eyes.

“For Kyungsoo. My best friend.”

And right there and then, under the moonlight, Chanyeol finally saw the broken part of Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun stood in front of the gym. He could hear the cheer of the audience, the beat of drum from the supporters, the whistle sound of the coaches, and the screeching sound of shoes across the court. All those sounds seemed to be drowning him in his own misery.

He came to the gym to watch his cousin’s team—the one Chanyeol also played for—go up against a team from another high school team, one that Baekhyun didn’t even know existed. But when he arrived, he found himself standing outside, with his body leaning against the wall and only capturing moments of the game by listening in on what was happening.

His school was leading by 10 scores.

They’ll definitely win if they could maintain their score for the remaining five minutes of the game, he thought. But who knows. Five minutes were a lot for a game, especially for basketball.

Baekhyun sighed and looked down, his eyes locking onto his shoes.

These past few weeks, since Baekhyun arrived here at Seoul, crazy things had been happening to him. His decision to come here differed to his parents’. They wanted him to live happily, not being judged like he was in his own town. Whereas Baekhyun just wanted to run away from all his sorrow because that was the only thing he could do.

His intention was guaranteed. He succeed in running away. But he never expected his parents’ intention to come true, too.

Being with Kris’ family, meeting his friends. Baekhyun would never have thought that his life would go back to almost normal, to how it was before. Although he was perfectly aware that the hole in his heart had not—or would never—completely healed.

And then he had Chanyeol.

That was a point that never ever crossed his mind before.

Chanyeol... Park Chanyeol... He would be lying to himself if he said Chanyeol was just a friend. Chanyeol was always more than that, ever since the beginning. He somehow became the center of Baekhyun’s life, his whole sense of stability. He was the one who kept him standing and breathing every day. And the scary part was, Baekhyun didn’t know how or when it had happened.

Every time he was with Chanyeol, he forgot his past. Completely.

And Baekhyun wasn’t supposed to forget. After what he had done to Kyungsoo... to Kyungsoo’s family, he didn’t deserve to forget the sin he had committed, even if it was just for a second, let alone live happily. Instead, he deserved to take Kyungsoo’s father place in heaven.

The loud thundering cheer brought Baekhyun out of his reverie. The game was over, it seemed. Baekhyun peeked through the door, and just as he expected, his school won. The students were cheering so loudly and he could see Kris’ sweaty team hugging each other in the middle of the court.

Baekhyun’s eyes immediately zeroed in Chanyeol.

Chanyeol was ruffling his team member’s hair with his full beautiful grin. Chanyeol looked so, so happy that watching him smile like that easily made him smile too.

Baekhyun didn’t understand his heart at all.

 

The party was too crowded for his liking. Baekhyun had chosen to sit in a packed living room for almost half an hour before he finally decided to make his way toward the backyard where the main party was taking place.

Baekhyun tried to ignore the questioning glances thrown at him since he arrived here—a big house belonged to one of a rich members of his high school’s basketball team. He didn’t have the heart to reject his cousin’s request—or more like a demand—for him to come to the party after they win the final this morning.

That was how Baekhyun found himself in between horny and drunk teenagers of his school. Trying to be invisible was the only way for him to get pass this party.

Now he needed to find Kris. He began to feel extremely uncomfortable so he thought to go home first. His cousin always invited him to many occasions but was rarely there for him, just like now. Moreover, this time, he can’t find Chanyeol anywhere. With so many people from other clubs of their school, it was only understandable that the popular basketball players would be stolen away.

At the back of the house, the situation seemed to be even messier. So this was how the Seoul people partied, he thought. Some of the guys were in the pool, while some girls sat at the edge, their feet dangling into the water.

This wasn’t his place at all. And Baekhyun started to feel nauseous. The worst part was that he still couldn’t find his cousin, or Chanyeol, or anyone he knew.

Scanning the place, Baekhyun pondered on what would happen if he went home without telling anyone. After some not-really-needed consideration, that plan was scratched, because Baekhyun didn’t want Kris worrying. So it was out of question, and it meant Baekhyun need to expand his search.

Just as Baekhyun stepped forward to walk around the yard, someone behind him stopped his steps by holding onto his shoulder.

Baekhyun almost fell on his knees when he heard a deep voice. “My eyes must be playing trick on me. The almighty Baekhyun is alone in this party.”

Baekhyun soon regretted his decision to turn around. He should’ve just continued walking. “Taekgu?”

The huge football player had a smirk on his face. It was clear that he was up to no good. “Where’s your cousin?”

Baekhyun’s mind spin, trying to search for a way out. “He’s...umm, in the restroom.”

“Really?” Taekgu took a step forward, which only made Baekhyun take a step back, unknowingly nearing the swimming pool. “You’re like a lost rabbit though? Oh, or were you looking for your boyfriend, then?”

Baekhyun opened his mouth, about to ask what he meant but it was immediately cut off by the huge boy again. “I mean, Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun’s embarrassment must be obvious because Taekgu’s smirk only grew bigger. The smaller male lowered his head, trying to hide his blushing cheeks. “Chanyeol’s not my boyfriend.”

Baekhyun can hear Taekgu guffaw. For a second, he thought to just leave the football player alone there, but Taekgu’s laughter died down and was replaced by a cold scoff. And soon enough, he said something that had Baekhyun freeze in his spot. “Right, of course he’s not. Who would want a murderer as a boyfriend, right?”

His body might have frozen up, but Baekhyun’s mind was racing frantically, with Taekgu’s words going over and over again as if on repeat. Nausea began to creep in and his mouth felt like it was filled with sand. His head started to spin as he was aware that the only sound he could hear right now was his own ragged breathing.

_Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer._

Baekhyun took a deep breath, smoothing his shock. He wouldn’t let Taekgu see him lost for the second time. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Taekgu.”

_You’re not a murderer._

“Oh, come on, Baekhyun. I know.”

_You’re not a murderer._

“I’m not—“Baekhyun’s voice cracked. He swallowed, trying to voice out one thing that he should’ve voiced out back then. “Whatever they told you about me... that’s not true.”

_You’re not a murderer._

Taekgu’s smirk faltered. Rather than being taken aback by Baekhyun’s words, it seemed as if the football player was shocked by the seriousness of the smaller male’s expression.

_You’re not a murderer._

“I’m not a murderer.”

Baekhyun didn’t have the time to see the change of Taekgu’s expression as his field of vision was blocked by a familiar broad back.

“What the fuck are you doing here, Taekgu?” Chanyeol grasped Baekhyun’s arm and placed him behind his back protectively. 

Baekhyun gasped. “Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol turned his head around. His stern expression turned soft with a hint of concern when his eyes landed on the smaller. “You okay? What has he done to you?”

“We just talked,” Baekhyun answered, hoping Chanyeol would calm down.

“Right. Chill, Chanyeol. We were just talking.”

Baekhyun hoped Taekgu would just shut his mouth off, because now Chanyeol’s attention was back on the football player once again, and just like before in the school’s cafeteria, people drew their attention toward them. But this was much worse because Baekhyun can see Kris walking toward them with a look that he had never seen before.

Kris was obviously enraged, and Baekhyun had no idea what was going to happen.

Baekhyun actually frightened. His heart was beating fast as Chanyeol moved him away from the edge of the pool, making sure the smaller was safe, while Kris already found himself in front of the bigger guy.

Kris wouldn’t forgive that bastard for hurting his cousin for the second time. He pushed the football player with two hands. “Get the fuck out of here, Taekgu.”

Both Chanyeol and Kris was on the edge, but Chanyeol obviously have a better control of his anger. He stayed at Baekhyun’s side the whole time, though based on his hold around Baekhyun’s wrist, the smaller could tell that he was holding his anger down the best he could.

“What,” Taekgu countered. “This is not even your house, Kris.”

“But this is my party. My team’s party. So I could definitely kick your ass out of here.”

By this time, the music had died down, replaced by everyone’s whispers. They were probably amused by this, because what is a party without a fight, right?

Taekgu gave the basketball’s captain a mocking smile, but the football player had not spare Baekhyun a single glance since Chanyeol came. As if he felt bad for verbally attacking him before. Taekgu was merely keeping his dignity now. He didn’t want to seem lost from these bunch of basketball players.

“Or what? You’ll beat me down?” Taekgu lifted his chin high. Although he was bigger than Kris, Kris was taller than him.

“Kris, stop,” Baekhyun begged, but his small self was still shielded by Chanyeol. “Taekgu did noth—“

Baekhyun just wanted this to be over and go home, but Taekgu had cut him off. “Alright, alright. I’ll go. It’s not like I want to associate myself with a murderer anyway.”

That was the last straw for Kris. His fist already found Taekgu’s jaw before Baekhyun could register what was happening. After that, everything was a blur.

Kris launched himself at Taekgu while Chanyeol and other basketball team members immediately dashed toward their captain, trying to separate them before any more damage was inflicted.

Baekhyun stayed motionless in his place, unable to move as this scene, people fighting for him, was too familiar. He didn’t understand the overlapping flashes before his eyes, Kris and Taekgu, but then, there was Kyungsoo’s father and that drunk man too.

“S—stop...” his voice was barely a whisper. “Stop, please.”

But they were too busy trying to kill each other. And the others were trying to stop them. And the rest were just watching. And Baekhyun, in the midst of it all, was finding it so hard to breathe.

Kris and Taekgu were still fighting like there was no tomorrow as Baekhyun tried to suppress his painful memory, and with that he was able to breathe and move normally again. But just as Baekhyun went to approach them, he noticed them nearing the pool. He gasped when Kris pushed the big guy into the pool, resulting a huge splash.

There were some cheering as Baekhyun cursed under his breath and ran toward the pool, nearing the spot where Taekgu fell. His heart dropped to the ground when he heard the sound of cheering change into an accumulation of gasps, and he saw Taekgu struggling under the water.

There was a beat of silence as people watched Taekgu under the water, and that was the first time Baekhyun felt rage toward his cousin, to anyone, and everyone in here. They did nothing. Just like those people who only watched him get cornered by a drunk man in the dark alley, even when he screamed for help. Except Kyungsoo’s father. He took no time to help him, despite his small and weak body. He still helped Baekhyun.

Before anyone could stop himself, Baekhyun had jumped into the water.

Baekhyun had learned swimming since he was six, doing it for fun. He only started to take it seriously in high school. But never did he thought he’ll use his skill to actually save someone from drowning.

As Baekhyun felt the water slowly closing up on him, he felt that familiar sensation to be in the water, for just a millisecond, before his mind took over his movement, as he swam frantically toward where Taekgu was, at the bottom of the ten feet swimming pool. It wasn’t an easy job. First, there was the pressure. Then there was his thick hoodie and jeans holding him back.

Baekhyun saw Taekgu panicking helplessly down there. The football player couldn’t get back up because he moved too much while his clothes were holding him down. His heavy build wasn’t an advantage either.

Baekhyun soon succeeded in reaching Taekgu’s side. The man became more frantic when he felt someone touched him. He held onto Baekhyun for dear life while his legs and arms were still flailing at every way possible, hitting Baekhyun here and there and making it harder for the much smaller male to get him to the surface.

Despite being ten feet under the surface, Baekhyun could still hear the chaos up there. He could sense some people also jumped into the water, maybe trying to help them. Baekhyun also could hear his heart pounding through his pressured ears. But the most painful thing to hear was Taekgu’s gasping for air.

His lungs burned from the lack of oxygen. But it only had Baekhyun panicking even more because it meant that Taekgu must be in a worse condition than he was.

Time was ticking, but they didn’t have much progress. No one had succeeded going down to Baekhyun’s level in the deep pool. Baekhyun tried kicking his feet but his energy had drained by the time Taekgu had stopped moving frantically. The big guy was covering his mouth and nose now, trying to survive for a few last second.

Baekhyun began to feel hopeless. It wasn’t easy to be a hero, wasn’t it? It took courage and ability. Something Baekhyun did not have.

But then Kyungsoo’s father face flashed before him, and with the last ounce of breath in his lungs, Baekhyun gripped Taekgu tighter under his arms as he pushed himself up, his feet kicking in stroke as if this was the last time he swim.

_Please._

He finally moved closer.

_Please._

The surface was near.

_Please._

“Puaahhh.” The first thing Baekhyun did when he reached the surface was gasping for air desperately. When they were near, Baekhyun faintly felt some people helping them out of the water, making it easier and faster to reach the air.

Sounds had not returned to his ears yet by the time people started pulling them to the edge of the pool. Baekhyun still held Taekgu close to him as he began to regain his senses and realized that Taekgu was unconscious in his hold.

“Taek—“His voice was barely a whisper. It felt like it was his throat was burning. “Taekgu first, please!” he screamed, forcing his voice to come out.

It seemed like the people surrounding them just noticed that Taekgu was floating unconscious, only relying on Baekhyun’s hold on him. After that, they immediately swarmed over Taekgu and took the football player with them.

Baekhyun was breathing hard, unfocused, his chest hurt so much, and his legs felt too tired to hold him afloat any longer, but soon enough, he felt himself being enveloped and lifted onto a broad chest.

“Baekhyun, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol held onto his waist and his other hand cupped Baekhyun’s face. “Baekhyun, stay with me, okay? Please, stay awake.”

Baekhyun was growing limp, but he was confident enough to not let himself pass out. He was better than this. He was trained for swimming for years not for nothing, not to just give up in the end. So he nodded, and he held Chanyeol’s shoulder for dear life.

“Taekgu...” the swimmer trailed.

“He’s gonna be okay.” Chanyeol swam toward the edge and spotted Kris already waiting for them with a very worried expression on his face.

Baekhyun rested his body on Chanyeol’s chest, feeling relieved that he was in his hand now. “You can swim now, Chanyeol,” he said as he smiled at the boy.

“You’re so fucking stupid.” Chanyeol didn’t like the humor in Baekhyun’s words. “He’s twice your size.”

“I can’t let him die, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said as Chanyeol lifted him to the edge of the pool. His drenched hoodie planted to his skin and he felt so weak even if he just sat on the hard surface of the outer pool. “I can’t let anyone hurt again because of me.”

Chanyeol pulled himself out immediately and scooted beside him, water dripping of his shirt. “You saved him, Baekhyun. You saved him.” The taller gently pushed smaller’s hair away from his wet face. “You’re a freaking angel, you know that?”

Baekhyun shook his head and buried his face on the crook of Chanyeol’s neck. He sensed Kris arriving beside him as he whispered, “Take me home, Chanyeol.”

 

Chanyeol took a shower at Kris’ house and changed into the captain’s clothes. When he came out of shower, he still felt his hands trembling. As he look at himself on the mirror, he could see traces of exhaustion here and there. It had been like that for some days. But today seemed to be the accumulation of it all and Chanyeol honestly can’t remember when he had ever reached this level of exhaustion.

He sighed, and fixed his expression, preparing himself to face Kris outside. Kris was with his parents at the family room when Chanyeol got out. The three of them huddled close as they looked at him with confused and concerned expressions, especially Uncle and Aunty Wu. Chanyeol didn’t blame them. They arrived home with two of them wet and one of them crying.

Chanyeol had excused himself to go home earlier, but Aunty Wu insisted for him to shower first and Kris had begged him to stay because Baekhyun _needed_ him.

“Where is he?” Chanyeol immediately asked. Right now his concern was only Baekhyun.

“In his room. He’s asleep I think,” Kris answered.

No one said anything after that as Chanyeol began to walk toward Baekhyun’s room, forgetting his supposed-to-be polite manner. He would apologize later to the Wus.

But he didn’t forget to knock first, just in case Baekhyun was doing something else other than sleeping like Kris had said. He didn’t know what he would do, really. He never knew what he did and would do if it came to Baekhyun. But he needed to see with his own eyes if his Baekhyun was already tucked into the bed, safe and sound.

Baekhyun was indeed on the bed, but he wasn’t asleep like Kris said. Chanyeol found him curl up on the bed, with the sound of whimper coming from him, and Chanyeol knew he was crying.

At the sound of Chanyeol closing the door, Baekhyun stopped whimpering and lifted his head. Their eyes met, and his sorrowful look caught Chanyeol’s eyes.

“Hey,” Chanyeol didn’t even have the time to breathe before he positioned himself on Baekhyun’s bed, immediately drawing the smaller male into his embrace, enveloping him thoroughly as he laid beside him.

Baekhyun buried his face into Chanyeol’s chest, and the latter could easily tell that the smaller was crying again. It didn’t hurt any less every time Chanyeol heard it. The agony cut right through his heart.

“Ssshhh... It’s okay, Baekhyun. It’s okay.”

Baekhyun shook his head. “It’s not okay. What the hell is wrong with me, Chanyeol?”

“What do you mean?”

“There has to be something wrong with me. People around me keep getting hurt. You, Taekgu... Kyungsoo’s father.”

Kyungsoo. That name again. Chanyeol still can’t get rid of that name since the first time Baekhyun mentioned it.

“Baekhyun.” Chanyeol sighed. He drew circles on the smaller male back, wanting to suck out all the pain inside him.

“Maybe Taekgu was right. Maybe those people were right. I’m a murderer. I hurt people around me. I hurt people I love. I’m cursed. I should—“

Chanyeol cupped Baekhyun’s cheek so he could look at him. “Baekhyun, slow down. Breathe.”

“You should get away from me, Chanyeol. Or else I’ll destroy you too.” His tears were wrecking his face. Tears kept coming out as he hiccupped in between.

“No, never.” Chanyeol rubbed his cheek, wiping his tears away. “You could destroy me all you want and I’ll never leave.”

Baekhyun slowly raised his eyes to meet Chanyeol’s. His brown eyes were somehow hollow, but there was a tiny spark in there that Chanyeol would hold onto until someday they would be totally covered by the spark.

“You’re strong, Baekhyun. I know you don’t need me. But I’ll be here, right beside you, until this is over. Until you believe in yourself again.” Chanyeol could hear his voice breaking. “Because I love you. I love you, Baekhyun.”

Chanyeol captured Baekhyun’s lips in a blistering kiss. Chanyeol didn’t realize that he was crying too until he felt his tears met Baekhyun’s. Heat slowly crept in as Chanyeol moved his large hand to cup Baekhyun’s jaw, kissing him with the utmost tenderness and belonging.

Chanyeol lost it when he felt Baekhyun finally kiss him back. He tried to regulate his breathing but it was a rather hard task when Chanyeol can’t even remember which planet he lived on. Baekhyun tasted like sun, and Chanyeol can’t get enough of it.

Ten seconds. They kissed for ten seconds. That was how long Chanyeol could take it before he would burst. Chanyeol gave him one last sweep over the smaller’s mouth before he eased away.

Chanyeol was so in love with the boy in his hold and unfortunately he had no fucking idea.

He reached Baekhyun’s hand that gripping onto his shirt and held it dearly. He leaned down and kissed the top of the smaller’s crown, as the latter was back to planting his face on Chanyeol’s chest once more. Chanyeol was sure that Baekhyun could hear his thundering heart.

“You can’t say you love me,” he whispered.

Chanyeol took times before he responded. “Why not?”

“Chanyeol, if you really knew me, what had happened to me, you wouldn’t want to spend another second with me.”

Chanyeol swallowed and drew a ragged breath. “Then try me. Tell me, Baekhyun. And I’ll prove you wrong. I’ll still want you.”

Chanyeol was afraid of what Baekhyun was going to say. But he knew that Baekhyun was more afraid. The smaller guy was trembling in his hold. So Chanyeol held him tighter, cocooning him, and hoped that Baekhyun would stop feeling so scared and just let it out. He had held it in for too long.

“I had a best friend back then in Yanggu. Kyungsoo.” He began, his voice wavered.

Chanyeol held his breath. But his hand still moved stroking Baekhyun’s head, encouraging him to continue.

“I went to club... When I went home, a drunk man... bothered me. And he...” he choked, and didn’t continue for a while, trying to calm himself down though Chanyeol could feel his body growing cold as the seconds go by. “That man brought a knife... I cried for help, but no one... helped me. Then Kyungsoo’s father... passed by, and he... helped me.”

Baekhyun couldn’t continue again as he sobbed painfully. Chanyeol was crying too, not being able to help himself to stay strong for Baekhyun. The idea of Baekhyun could possibly hurt and not in his hold right now tortured him. _It’s okay, it’s okay_ , Chanyeol wanted to say. But he knew Baekhyun wouldn’t listen to him. So he let his heart ripped open as he listened to Baekhyun fall apart in his arms.

Chanyeol can hear Aunty Wu crying outside. Kris and Uncle Wu probably just stared emptily at the door.

All of them wanted to help Baekhyun. His parents back at Yanggu wanted to help him too, that they were willing to send their son away if it meant he could live a better life. 

Baekhyun was larger than life. He deserved to be loved more than anyone. But all of them can’t love him if Baekhyun can’t even love himself.

“I killed my best friend’s father,” Baekhyun said in between his sobs, dripping with agony. “I never dared... to talk to him anymore. I can’t even... I can’t apologize to his family.”

“No.” Chanyeol cursed mentally when his voice broke. He wanted to make Baekhyun feel better, but he was so helpless that he began to get angry at himself. “You didn’t kill him, Baekhyun. You hear me? You didn’t kill him. It’s not your fault.”

“I want to say I’m sorry.” Baekhyun lifted his head. His lips started quivering terribly as tears after tears kept rolling down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

As Chanyeol listened to Baekhyun cry to sleep, he realized that the only thing could destroy him was seeing Baekhyun in pain.

 

Baekhyun was absent for two days. He didn’t have any energy left after he cried like a mad man that night. That was the umpteenth time he cried in front of Chanyeol, and he was sure that he must had make the guitarist sick of him. If what Chanyeol said, that he loved him, was true, then that feeling must have been washed away after that night. After all, Baekhyun had shown him the dirty side of him. There was no way Chanyeol would love him after all this.

It was confirmed when Baekhyun woke up the morning after, and Chanyeol wasn’t beside him anymore. Chanyeol probably came home early because they had class in the morning, but the bigger side of Baekhyun’s brain said Chanyeol was gone because he hated him.

It was also confirmed when Baekhyun took two days off of school, Chanyeol didn’t come to see him at home. Chanyeol probably wanted to give him space, but Baekhyun thought that Chanyeol was disgusted by him.

Baekhyun had half expected Chanyeol would come to meet him when he was finally back to school today. But he should have known better. One thing he knew about hope, it usually led to disappointment.

He didn’t move from his seat when the bell rang, signaling break time. He brought a couple of bread so he didn’t have to go to the cafeteria. He had enough stares for the day from other students since this morning. His kind-of heroic move at the party three days ago apparently reached everyone’s ears, although Baekhyun really didn’t want to know if the news roaming around the school was good or bad. He had enough share of being public talk.

The exhaustion and stress in his being had reduced, but it didn’t mean he was ready to face everyone talking about him. So he stayed in the classroom while other students went outside, probably feeling stuffy from the math test earlier.

Baekhyun opened his bag as he searched for his bread, his favorite egg bread. Just as he wanted to open the wrapper, somebody was sitting in front of him.

“Baekhyun.”

Taekgu’s voice felt like blaring through his ears. Baekhyun jumped back and almost fell from his chair but Taekgu was quick to hold him, wrapping his fingers around Baekhyun’s wrist. Baekhyun had expected it to hurt, but his hold was instead gentle and careful.

“I’m sorry I surprised you.” His voice was quiet, not like the Taekgu he knew.

“Uhm...” Baekhyun momentarily blanked. “It’s okay.”

They sat there in silent. Baekhyun didn’t dare to look up. But from his peripheral vision, he could see that Taekgu also didn’t move.

The chair where Taekgu sit creaked. He was fidgeting in his seat. “How are you?”

There was a beat before Baekhyun finally lifted his head. There was a hint of confusion on his face as he heard the sincerity in Taekgu’s words.

“I’m fine,” Baekhyun answered after a while. “You?”

“Nothing bad,” he murmured. “Thanks to you.”

The football player’s face was red, as if he was shy and wanted to run away, but he held it in.

“I’m really sorry, Baekhyun. For all this time.” His expression was clouded with guilt. “I’ve been a huge asshole. I don’t even deserve your forgiveness, but you saved me.”

Baekhyun knew that his apology was nowhere near bullshit. The guy was sincere, and Baekhyun absent-mindedly dragged his hand over the football player’s own.

“I know you’re sorry. Besides, even if I didn’t save you, the others would’ve.”

“No, they wouldn’t.” Taekgu snickered, but it wasn’t mocking. He just briefly felt amused. “Not everyone is willing to save other people.”

Taekgu’s words slapped him, drilling into his skull and ringing all around his brain.

“I had also apologized to Kris, for endangering his cousin, and bullying you on top of that. I had expected at least a punch to the eye, but... I don’t know, he just looked proud. He’s proud of you, Baekhyun. He didn’t care about me at all.”

It took some times before Baekhyun could proceed that Taekgu had gotten up from his seat and patted his back, and said, “I’m sorry, Baekhyun. And thank you, really.”

Baekhyun didn’t move even until Taekgu left, and even when people slowly came back to the classroom. His bread left untouched. His head spinning because the weight pressing down his heart.

He had been wrong all this time. He had been thinking of himself all this time. _Me, me, me. Myself, myself, myself_. When this had not been about him at all. He was drowning in his own guilt, misery, and fear. He had been afraid to face everyone, scared of people’s judgments, people’s saying, and people’s stares. When the only thing he should focus on was Kyungsoo’s family.

He should’ve been saying his gratitude. He shouldn’t have been the one who was drowning in misery. Kyungsoo was his best friend. Taekgu was his sort-of enemy, and he hated Kris. But he mustered up courage to apologize and said his gratitude. Then why couldn’t Baekhyun?

He was the asshole in this story. Not even near an angel like Chanyeol said.

As he took his bag with him and dashed out of the class, Baekhyun hoped that Kyungsoo and his family felt the same way as what Kris did.

 

Chanyeol was going crazy. He received the news from Kris that Baekhyun had gone home early, like really early. In the middle of afternoon. And apparently took Kris’ car to god knows where.

He hadn’t seen the petit male that day at school. He thought he would see him in the cafeteria but Baekhyun was nowhere in sight, and when he and Kris went to his classroom, his classmate said he had gone. That was when they found out.

Chanyeol had expected Aunty Wu panicking when they arrived, instead she seemed to be really calm and even patted the couch, asking them to sit down.

“We have no time to sit down,” Kris almost yelled at his mother. “He took my car, Mom. Why didn’t you stop him?”

Chanyeol tried his hard to not combust from how slow Kris was. He needed to find Baekhyun fast. And if Aunty Wu couldn’t give them any information, then...

“He said he really need to go,” Aunty Wu answered, not affected by her son’s anxious state. “Don’t worry. He’s gonna be okay.”

Right. He might be okay, but he might not. Chanyeol pressed his eyes shut as his legs started to feel weak. He weighed all the possibility where could Baekhyun go, using car on top of that. That was what make him worried the most. _Where would he go, where would he go, where would he go..._

A thought struck him and he gasped loudly as he opened his eyes in horror. _It can’t be because of that, right..._

Chanyeol needed to get out of the house, or else he would dirty Aunty Wu’s living room with his puke. He was so worried that it started to make him sick. So he dashed out of the house, and fumbled to find his phone in his pocket.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Kris followed behind him.

Chanyeol ran his hand through his hair as he groaned. “I think I made him freak out.”

“What do you mean?” The captain asked, his thick eyebrows connected in the middle.

“I confessed to him the other night.”

Kris blinked, as if unable to believe what he just heard. “I’m sorry, repeat yourself.”

Chanyeol gritted his teeth. “I told him I love him.”

“You what?”

“I love him, okay? I fucking love him.” Chanyeol bit out each word furiously. He knew it was wrong to lash out on Kris, but Chanyeol was really worried right now that the captain didn’t even have the heart to get mad at him.

“Geez, Chanyeol.” Was all Kris said.

Chanyeol rubbed his face dejectedly. Fear waved over him. Baekhyun wasn’t in his greatest shape. God knows where he was or where he was heading to. What if something happened to him, what if he was hurt, what if...

This wasn’t the time to cry over this situation. He needed to calm down, but fuck, he felt so scared he might puke. He reached his pocket again and took out his cellphone.

“I’m going to call him.”

“He’s not going to answer.”

“He will. He’ll pick up if he knew it’s me,” Chanyeol argued as he dialed the number.

Except it didn’t even reach Baekhyun. It went straight to voice mail. He called him again and again, until he gave up when he heard Baekhyun’s voice for the umpteenth time.

“ _Hi. Kindly left me a message._ ”

“Baekhyun, it’s Chanyeol.” He started off a little bit tense. But he thought it would only make Baekhyun freak out more, so he softened his tone. “Where are you? Where are you going? Just...” He took a deep breath. “Please, call me back, Baekhyun.”

Chanyeol could only hope Baekhyun would talk to him, whatever his problem was, Chanyeol would listen, even if Chanyeol himself was the problem. He wanted Baekhyun to trust him.

“Do you really think he’ll talk to you?” Kris pulled him out of his thought.

Chanyeol sighed. “I don’t know. You could never predict Baekhyun.”

They didn’t have to wait long. As Chanyeol’s mind began to look for other alternatives, Baekhyun called him back. Chanyeol was surprised. He really didn’t expect the words he bragged to Kris earlier to actually come true.

“It’s him,” Chanyeol informed Kris and immediately answered the call. “Hello? Baekhyun?”

The line was filled with unfamiliar vehicle sound for a couple of seconds before Chanyeol finally heard the voice of his universe. “Yes,” Baekhyun answered.

Chanyeol legs wobbled, relief washing over him. “Where are you? Are you okay?”

“I’m on a bus.”

“Why on earth you’re on a bus? Didn’t you bring Kris’ car?”

“I’m going... somewhere. I left Kris’ car at the terminal. Please tell him I’m sorry, Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol pinched his temple, it started hurting pretty bad. “Just... just tell me where you’re going, Baekhyun, please.”

There was a beat. This was the moment where Chanyeol will come to know if Baekhyun really trusted him. In the background, Chanyeol heard Baekhyun clear his throat. “Is Kris with you?”

“Yes. But I won’t tell him if you don’t want me to,” Chanyeol assured him. He looked at Kris, expecting his best friend to be fuming at him. The captain smiled and turned around instead, entering his house again, but he didn’t close the door. “You can tell me, Baekhyun,” reassured.

The hot sun had set and painted the sky with dark orange and a shade of black velvet. Chanyeol sat down on Kris’ porch, he didn’t have any energy. Chanyeol almost forgot what he had asked to Baekhyun because the male on the other side of the line took his time long enough for Chanyeol to calm his nerve.

“I’m going to Gangwon-do Yanggu,” Baekhyun said softly.

Chanyeol closed his eyes. The tension gripping him eased only a friction. At least now he knew where Baekhyun was heading to.

“I...” Baekhyun’s voice broke. “I need to see him, Chanyeol. Or else I could never live my life.”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol swallowed. “Baby, listen to me. Everything’s going to be okay.”

“I’m scared.”

“There’s nothing to be scared of. Okay? You hear me, Baekhyun?” Tears started to pool at the corner of his eyes. Goddammit, why was he so easy to cry everytime he felt so helpless toward Baekhyun. “He’s your best friend. He’ll never hate you.”

“He has every reason to hate me.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Chanyeol’s voice was firm as he spoke. “His family doesn’t hate you. No one hates you, Baekhyun, I promise.”

Baekhyun was crying again, he could tell. God, Chanyeol would trade anything in his possession if he could be with Baekhyun right now.

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun called him. “Do you really love me? I mean... I have a terrible past.”

Baekhyun’s voice was laced with uncertainty, like he was really afraid that Chanyeol would freak out and leave him any second. But Chanyeol wouldn’t. He wouldn’t hide the intensity of his feeling toward Baekhyun anymore. He would do anything to reassure him that leaving was never be his intention, in the past, in the moment, and in the future.

“Look, Baekhyun, don’t you ever think for even one second that I don’t want to be with you. I love you, and your past doesn’t change my feelings for you and who you are to me. I believe in you, Baekhyun, I trust you. And I need you to trust me, too.”

Chanyeol heard Baekhyun’s breath hitch, then there was a relief exhalation, like suddenly he could truly breathe, knowing that someone was never leaving his side. “Thank you, Chanyeol.” 

The said boy shook his head, though he knew Baekhyun can’t see him. Baekhyun shouldn’t need to thank him.

“I just want you to know,” Baekhyun continued. He had stopped crying. “That I’m doing this for you, for my parents, Kris, Aunty Wu, Uncle Wu, Kyungsoo, and the others.”

“Do this for yourself, Baekhyun.”

“All of you are my life. So I’m doing this pretty much for myself.” Baekhyun choked with a little laugh. “I want to be better, Chanyeol. I want to forgive myself.”

Chanyeol looked down to his feet as he covered his eyes with his palm, letting out his tears as well as his joy. “Baekhyun, you deserve the world. Don’t ever forget that.”

“I won’t.” Chanyeol imagined Baekhyun leaning his head on the bus’ window. He sounded so relaxed right now. “Please wait for me, Chanyeol. I promise I’m worth it.”

Chanyeol’s breath shuddered from his lungs. “I know, Baekhyun. I have always known.”

 

Yanggu was still the same as the last time Baekhyun left, of course, he only left two months ago. He left the unfinished business here, in the most shameful way, thinking that he could at least live through hell with that burden on his back. He was stupid and ungrateful and shameless, and the list could go on. 

Baekhyun arrived at dawn. There was only a little bit of hint of sun light from the distance. The air was something he missed the most, so wet and cool and damp, and his sweater hugged him thoroughly.

Right after he put his feet at the concrete soil of Yanggu, Baekhyun’s heartbeat quickened, his backpack suddenly felt a lot heavier. He didn’t know what he would say to Kyungsoo. He wanted to ask for his forgiveness and give his gratitude to Kyungsoo and his family, that he was sure of. Yet, how to deliver it? He had no idea. 

He really wished Chanyeol was here, giving him extra kick of courage. But Baekhyun had relied on him too much, now he needed to stand on his own feet.

Baekhyun balled his palms into fists as the sight of Kyungsoo’s house was right in front of him. The place he knew like his own home. The place he visited almost everyday. But in the past three months, he didn’t even get near it, let alone enter it.

He wondered if Kyungsoo was still asleep. It was weekday, so surely he had school and would go out eventually. But would Baekhyun wait and risk the chance of being ditched away because his best friend needed to go to school, or he could just knock on Kyungsoo’s room window? Baekhyun chose the latter.

With a heavy heart, Baekhyun walked toward the house. His shoes met the grass, giving him the familiar sound of when he usually played tossing baseball here with his best friend. The memories made his eyes sting.

If Kyungsoo wouldn’t forgive him... Hell, if Kyungsoo wouldn’t want to listen to him, what would he do? He’ll jump on the lake behind Kyungsoo’s house and drown himself there. Except it was probably a stupid idea because it would make Kyungsoo hate him even more for making his house dirty by his shameless soul.

Baekhyun’s mind was all over the place, especially now he was standing in front of Kyungsoo’s window. He just needed to knock. Kyungsoo was a light sleeper, he’ll definitely hear and wake up in a second.

 _You’re strong, Baekhyun._ Chanyeol’s voice resonated in his ears.

Baekhyun closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, then he raised his hand and knocked on the concrete glass. His breathing came out shallow as a second later he could hear someone shuffling from inside. Before Baekhyun could even blink. The curtain was yanked open, and his eyes immediately met the round eyes of Kyungsoo.

Defeaning silence. Baekhyun couldn’t even hear the sound of his own blood flow in his ears. But his eyes followed Kyungsoo’s every move. Kyungsoo’s round eyes became rounder, they were filled with surprise at first, then confusion replaced it. Baekhyun had expected those eyes to be filled with anger, but they were just confused.

After a while, Kyungsoo finally blinked and actually moved, reaching out his hand toward the window and sliding it open. Baekhyun could tell the wave of cold dawn air startled him for a second, but his face quickly got back to being confused.

“Am I dreaming?” Kyungsoo asked.

Baekhyun should had been the one who asked that question. He never dreamed of Kyungsoo talking to him again.

“Baekhyun?” Kyungsoo said, his eye brows colliding. “Aren’t you supposed to be in Seoul?”

Baekhyun’s mind went blank for a moment. The only thing running in his mind was the thought that Kyungsoo looked much better than the last time he saw him before he went to Seoul. Maybe his decision to go to Seoul was indeed right.

“I’m…” Baekhyun trailed, words just couldn’t come out of his mouth. He took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m here to talk to you.”

Kyungsoo looked surprised once more. His chest rose up and down rather rapidly, but his eyes gradually warmed, and if Baekhyun’s eyes weren’t playing trick on him, he also could see a hint of smile at the edge of his best friend’s lips.

Kyungsoo didn’t say anything as he moved his limbs to climb over his window, surprising Baekhyun and making him take a step back to make room for him to jump out of the window. They stood over the same grass now, after all this time.

Kyungsoo met Baekhyun’s gaze, his warm eyes searched for something on Baekhyun’s face, as if he can’t believe that baekhyun was really here.

“I’ve been longing for this day to come,” Kyungsoo said, taking his hand and silently bringing him to the back of his house, to the lake.

The lake was as beautiful as Baekhyun remembered. It was the most peaceful and serene place on earth, Baekhyun had always thought. Moreover, it was their special place. And Kyungsoo bringing him here was making him hopeful. 

Without neither of them say anything, Baekhyun discarded his bag, and they sat side by side on the edge of the wooden deck, their feet tangling right above the clear water. They watched the sun rise in silent, letting the light and warmness soaked them.

There was just so much to say and it was hard to even begin.

“How’s Seoul?” Kyungsoo started, his voice was neutral.

Baekhyun jerked his head toward him. “It’s… It’s hot.” Baekhyun smiled at the thought it was the answer that he also gave to Chanyeol when he asked about Yanggu. He always answered with the weather.

Kyungsoo chuckled. “Did Seoul make you so boring like this?”

“I’m…” Baekhyun stopped, thinking of how true that was. He used to be so easy going, especially around Kyungsoo. Now he can’t even shared more than five words with him. Baekhyun took a deep breath and asked, “How are you, Kyungsoo?”

“It’s weird to hear you asking that,” Kyungsoo replied. “You just left. And I don’t mean only leaving Yanggu. You left… me.”

Numbness was taking over his body as Baekhyun didn’t realize that his nails have started to dig into his skin. “I’m sorry. God, Kyungsoo, I’m so sorry. I’m not asking for your forgiveness because I don’t deserve it. Your father... Your father saved me... He gave his life to me, and I never got a chance to thank you and your family because I was too scared. I was so scared that you’ll hate me, resent me, for taking your father away. I’m just... I’m just...”

“You’re babbling,” Kyungsoo stared at him, his expression undreadable.

“I know, sorry.”

“And you’re crying.”

Baekhyun stayed still. He just realized that he was crying, a sobbing mess, curled into himself. He had been such a terrible friend to Kyungsoo. Baekhyun raised his head to meet Kyungsoo’s gaze. He bit his lip to stop him from crying.

“I never see you cry,” Kyungsoo said, and Baekhyun saw tears in his eyes too. “Not even when people judged you.”

Baekhyun realized that too. The first time he cried after all the accident was in the hospital, with Chanyeol.

“I’ve never been mad at you, Baekhyun. If anything, I was pissed because you avoided me. The last time I saw you was when you testimonied at the court. You didn’t talk to me or see me. Hell, you didn’t even come to my father’s funeral.”

“That’s what I regret the most.” Baekhyun swallowed hard. “I just... I’m sorry.”

“I was having a hard time and I fucking needed my best friend, but you didn’t even want to spare a glance at me.”

Then Kyungsoo was bawling too. They both wailed like crazy persons on the edge of the deck with ripples of calm water around them. In between all the tears, they somehow met in the middle, putting their arms around each other as they cried onto each other’s shoulders. They sat at the very spot for unumbered minutes, letting out their pain, their yearning, their suffering, they let it all out.

“You stupid Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo whispered on Baekhyun’s shoulder. “I never hate you. I’ll never ever hate you, you idiot.”

Baekhyun nodded and buried his face deeper on Kyungsoo’s pajamas. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

 

They spent the early morning with catching up. Baekhyun told Kyungsoo his story of how he coped the first month after the accident and how he finally came into decision to run away to Seoul. Then the story continued of how his life rolled along in Seoul for the past two months. It was three months in total they lived without each other, but unawared that they actually held onto each other all this time.

His parents, the Wus, and Chanyeol were right. Kyungsoo and his family never hated him or even put the blame on him. Kyungsoo revealed that his family and himself were really sorry for him to experience unnecessary hate from the town people who knew nothing. Kyungsoo wanted to help him, shield him, but Baekhyun didn’t let him in, so he can’t do anything.

They were in a great deal of pain all this time, but only now they could let themselves to let it go.

It was already past nine, and the younger male decided he’ll skip class today. When Baekhyun told him to go to school, Kyungsoo gave him a glare that pretty much said _Are you kidding me? We need to talk_. But Baekhyun was glad Kyungsoo didn’t go. He missed his best friend so much. Talking to him felt so natural as breathing.

“Who knows that the big city would heal you, right?” Kyungsoo had his head on Baekhyun’s shoulder. “Or should I say the people there who healed you?”

Baekhyun could see from the corner of his eyes that Kyungsoo was grinning. Baekhyun had told him about Chanyeol and the others, of course. And if he squinted enough, Baekhyun could see that his best friend was really glad that he had found someone who cared for him in Seoul.

“Or should I say one particular person?”

Baekhyun groaned. Here come the teasing. He knew it would come. He was irritated yet happy that the tension between them had completely gone, but he didn’t think he could talk about his love life now. He had enough roller coaster of emotion for the day.

Kyungsoo chuckled and raised his head from Baekhyun’s shoulder. “Come on, tell me more about him. Is he handsome?”

Baekhyun sighed. “You sound like a gossip whore old woman.”

“You like him, don’t you?” Kyungsoo’s eyes glinted.

“He’s a good friend, like, a really good friend of mine. That’s it.”

“I feel like you didn’t tell me the whole story about him.”

Baekhyun smiled. “I miss you so much, Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo just looked at him with his tender eyes, smiling softly. There was a sudden tug in his heart, realizing that he somehow had traded all of this just because of his cowardice.

Kyungsoo reached his hand out, and patted Baekhyun’s head. “You’re an idiot. But you did good, Baekhyun. You did wrong for avoiding me, but you’re strong.”

Baekhyun bit his lip to prevent his lips from trembling. “I’m sorry.”

Kyungsoo laughed. “Stop saying sorry. I’ve forgiven you.”

“You do?” Baekhyun wiped his eyes, tears starting pooling again on the corner of his eyes.

Kyungsoo pulled him into a hug. He was younger than Baekhyun, but he often acted like he was older, or Baekhyun probably acted like he was younger. “I forgave you, okay? Don’t blame yourself anymore. It was never your fault.”

Baekhyun let Kyungsoo comfort him, which kind of dumb because he should had been the one to comfort him. He savored him, knowing that this wouldn’t last. Reality awaited him at Seoul.

He heard Kyungsoo gasp, his hold tightening. “Oh my God.”

Baekhyun blinked back his tears. “What? Why?”

“Is that who I think he is?”

Baekhyun discarded himself from Kyungsoo and quickly turned around to see where his best friend was looking at, or specifically whom he was looking at. As soon as he saw the person standing at the drive way, leaning onto a familiar car, Baekhyun sucked a deep breath.

“He’s Chanyeol, isn’t he?” Kyungsoo’s voice was excited.

Baekhyun’s mouth gaped. He was sure Kyungsoo knew by how he reacted. “What is he doing here?”

“He didn’t come with you? I thought…” Kyungsoo trailed, then he moved his stare to Baekhyun. “Damn you. How dare you find someone earlier than me?”

Baekhyun couldn’t form any word to defend himself. It wasn’t fair how Chanyeol’s being could make him turn dysfunctional like this. “What do you mean?”

Kyungsoo groaned. “Oh, come on. You look at him like he hung the moon. And he looks at you like you’re a fucking sun.”

Baekhyun blinked, and there was a foreign feeling that was somehow felt familiar in his chest.

“What I mean is that you love each other, so quit being sulky and get going to your boyfriend right now.” Kyungsoo bumped his shoulder into Baekhyun’s.

Baekhyun watched Kyungsoo’s expression gradually change. He was still smiling but it faded a little bit. He knew that this was the time to say goodbye, for now.

“Are you coming back here after you graduate?” Kyungsoo asked, his voice was sad.

“I don’t know.” Baekhyun shook his head. “There are so many things to think of.”

“Then let’s study in college together at Seoul, Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo gave him a smile. “Let’s be together again.”

Baekhyun took Kyungsoo’s hand, giving him squeeze. “We’ll talk about this.” It wasn’t a request, it was a demand. 

His best friend nodded. “You go back to Seoul today?”

“I’m going to my parents’ house first. Maybe I’ll go back tonight.”

“Let’s meet tonight before you go back, okay? I need to talk to Chanyeol, too.”

Baekhyun raised his eyebrows as Kyungsoo smirked. Oh, Chanyeol needed to prepare his ears.

“I’m going,” Baekhyun stood up reluctantly, slinging his bag onto his back. “I’ll call you.”

“You’ll be dead if you don’t.”

No word exchanged between them as they hugged, giving each other gentle, assuring squeezes. Both of them exhaled a breath of relief as they knew that this was definitely not the end of them.

When they broke apart, they looked at each other with knowing smiles. Then Kyungsoo took his wrist and they walked together for a while before his best friend let go of his hand and walked over to the window of his room.

“Don’t forget to come tonight, okay? You haven’t met my family,” Kyungsoo said.

Baekhyun nodded. “See you tonight.”

“See you tonight,” Kyungsoo repeated before he turned around and climbed onto his window.

Baekhyun waited until his best friend drew the curtain close before he turned around and his vision zeroed in on the tall guy across the yard. Baekhyun inhaled deeply.

Chanyeol was waiting for him. A warm smile adorned his face. As Baekhyun walked toward him, Chanyeol stood straight from his previous position, his hand still inside his pocket pants.

Baekhyun couldn’t help but smile at him, and without him knowing, he fastened his steps. When he was finally in front of the tall male, he took off his backpack and let it fall to the ground.

“You didn’t bring sweater or jacket?” Baekhyun asked, looking up at him.

Chanyeol closed the distance between them, their chests practically colliding. “I was out of my head worrying over you that I didn’t think of anything else than get my ass over here.”

Baekhyun could see Chanyeol’s puffy eyes. He looked really exhausted. The thought of Chanyeol drive from Seoul alone for hours all night long gave him an uncomfortable feeling. “You didn’t have to come here though.”

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world right now.”

Baekhyun stifled his smile. “How did you find me?”

Chanyeol reached for Baekhyun’s hand, collecting it into his. “Just like you said. Gangwon-do Yanggu isn’t exactly a big town. I only asked where Kyungsoo house is.”

Baekhyun chuckled. His body relaxed as Chanyeol’s hands moved to wrap themselves around his waist.

“Based on your expression, I guess it went smoothly?” Chanyeol tilted his head.

Nodding, Baekhyun exhaled all the bad things inside him. “He never mad at me in the first place.” He lowered his head, hiding his face so Chanyeol wouldn’t see his pooling tears. But before Baekhyun could blink the tears away, Chanyeol had tipped his head up, making their faces only inches apart.

“You’re crying again,” Chanyeol stated, his expression concerned. Both of his hands crawled onto Baekhyun’s cheeks, cupping them gently.

“I’m not crying.” Baekhyun whined.

“Then what is this liquid I’m wiping away from your face right now?”

Baekhyun choked out a laugh, shaking his head. “These are tears of happiness.”

The tension gripping the tall male eased only a little. “Yeah? Because I really, really hate seeing you cry, Baekhyun.”

“I’m the happiest man on earth right now.” Baekhyun heard himself saying the words that he thought he’ll never say again, feeling the emotion he thought he’ll never experience again.

Happy. He was happy.

Chanyeol’s arms wrapped around him once again, squeezing him. Baekhyun could practically feel the thud of his heartbeat, letting himself drown in the tall male’s embrace. He took a deep breath and shuddered as he felt the tension slowly leaving his body.

“Would I ruin this moment if I said your best friend is now looking at us—or more likely, looking at me, with a murderous expression?” Chanyeol’s voice rumbled in his ears.

Baekhyun popped his eyes open. And getting out of Chanyeol’s hug proved to be such a hard task for him. So, he turned his head around, but refused to let himself go from Chanyeol’s hold. It took a moment before he could spot Kyungsoo behind one of the windown of his house, his hands folded on his chest. Murderous was a little bit of overstatement. It was more like... judgmental.

“Don’t worry,” Baekhyun chuckled, turning to face Chanyeol again. “I had filled him in briefly about you earlier.”

“Really? What did you say?”

Baekhyun hummed, tilting his head to the side. “I said that you’re my friend from Seoul.” He stopped to look at Chanyeol’s expectant face. “I also said that you’re a friend that helped me a lot, cared for me a lot. That without you, I’m probably wouldn’t be here right now.”

Chanyeol smiled. “That’s it?”

Heat crept into Baekhyun’s face. He shook his head to calm his nerves. “Sometimes I can’t think straight when you look at me like that.”

Drawing Baekhyun even more closer, Chanyeol snickered. “Good, it means you experience the same misery every time I’m with you. Continue.”

Baekhyun gulped. He knew he need to say it. Chanyeol had done so much for him, and now it was his turn to do something for him, for them. “Kyungsoo said...” He inhaled deeply. “I looked at you like you hung the moon. And I guess that’s true. I love you, Chanyeol. And if you still want me—“

“I always want you.”

“No, let me say this. Chanyeol, I’m bad for you. If you’re with me, there’s a chance I’m going to ruin you. I want to be the selfless Baekhyun and ignore my feeling and let you live happily. But I love you. I’m just an ordinary selfish human being that wants you. I can’t promise you anything, Chanyeol. But I’ll give my all for your happiness.”

Silence. Chanyeol’s eyes drilled into Baekhyun’s. And Baekhyun’s lungs miserably weakened under those intense eyes.

“Damn right you’re an ordinary human being, Baekhyun, and so am I,” Chanyeol said, sweeping Baekhyun’s mussy bangs away from his eyes. “God knows how much you had ruined me. Being around you makes me crazy. But not being around you makes me even crazier.”

Baekhyun was aware of how his breathing became rapid and shallow now.

“The intensity of my feeling for you scared the shit out of me. But I won’t try to fight it.” Chanyeol smiled. “Just like you said, you’re worth it. Fucking worth it.”

His heart exploded, and for the first time ever, Baekhyun took the initiative and his arms move to cling around Chanyeol’s neck, bringing the taller male down. And just like that, their lips met. He immediately felt belonging wash all over his being, losing himself into the touch of Chanyeol’s hands on his cheek and at the back of his head and the taste of his lips.

Baekhyun never expected this. He never expected Chanyeol, and the life he brought along with him. Baekhyun honestly didn’t know how he could manege to live without him all this time before he met Chanyeol.

He sucked the calming fragrance of Chanyeol’s cologne, mixed with a little bit of sweat, and he let it fill his lungs and immediately felt light headed. When he felt his knees started to feel weak and strained from standing on his tiptoes, Chanyeol wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s waist, steadying him first before he pulled away.

This wasn’t the first time they kissed, but it felt somehow more magical. Baekhyun wanted to scream for help because he thought he might die from happiness.

“Goddammit, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol put his forehead on Baekhyun’s, his breath was ragged. “You ruin me with your kiss. That’s the closest thing you could do to ruin me.”

Baekhyun gave him a smile. How much smiling he had done since he arrived here? “So, it’s bad, then? Should I stop kissing you?”

“No.” Chanyeol nuzzled into his neck. “Never. Now that I have experienced it I don’t think I could ever live without it.”

Baekhyun wrapped his arms around Chanyeol too, pressing their body even closer. The day started to get warm and Baekhyun was sure that people might see them, but he’ll just pretend that it was perfectly normal for them to hug in front of somebody else’s house.

“So, what now?” Baekhyun could feel Chanyeol’s breath on his neck. “Are you... are you going back here because you made up with Kyungsoo?”

Chanyeol’s heart was beating so fast, Baekhyun could hear it. There was an immediate burn in his stomach as soon as he imagined himself being away from Chanyeol. It was always like that, his body always threatened to stop working every time he thought about leaving Chanyeol.

“No. Not now at least.” Baekhyun whispered onto Chanyeol’s shirt. “Today, I need to see my parents, and I’ll go back to Seoul with you, and graduate high school there. It’s impossible to move back here. It’s the last semester after all.”

Chanyeol let out a relief sigh. “Okay, that sounds pretty good. After that?”

“I’ll think about it later.” Baekhyun tightened his hold. “Which reminds me that I need to fix my bike so I could stop depend on Kris and his car.”

There was a beat of silence. Then suddenly Chanyeol released him and gave him a confused look. “You ride a bike to school?”

Baekhyun paused. It took a moment for him to notice that Chanyeol was asking him a question. He forgot that Chanyeol didn’t know. “I’m supposed to ride Uncle Wu’s bike to school. But someone broke its pedal on my first day and I never have the time to fix it. So—“

“Did...” Chanyeol cut him off. “Did that person who broke it gave you a ticket for my band’s concert in Moonstone?”

“Yeah, how did you...” Baekhyun widened his eyes. “Wait, was that you?”

“That was your bike?”

They didn’t say anything after that as they stared into each other’s deep eyes. They understood what was in each other’s mind. Fate. It was unbelievable how fate played its role in their life.

Chanyeol watched him, his eyes traveling all the features in his face, savoring it. “I love you, Byun Baekhyun.” He squeezed Baekhyun’s hand and leaned down, kissing his forehead as Baekhyun could feel his broad smile prickling on his skin. “And thank God I broke your bike.”

**Author's Note:**

> Mods' Notes: During the duration of BAE2016, we're kindly asking you to leave your reviews on [Livejournal](http://baeconandeggs.livejournal.com/40414.html). Thank you for reading!♥


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